I’m not exactly sure how, but I’m on the Dallas Maverick Dancers email list. Well, it’s probably because I spend so much time on the site. I mean… umm… researching skillets. I don’t know why, but researching skillets makes it sound even more creepy than it probably is.

Point is, the Mavs Dancers are having auditions. I’m just going to put it out there – The Mavs Dancers are a collection of some of the hottest women alive. Now, with what little knowledge of skimpy outfit dancing I have, (aside from the club where I can’t see her face, because I’m grinding from behind) I’d say that the Mavs Dancers are easily the best in the NBA.

The Mavs Dancers have about the same requirements as I do, actually. They say, “If you are a high school graduate, at least 18 years old, energetic and love to perform in front of large crowds – The Mavs Dancers (and Toph) want you.” Unfortunately, I won’t be in attendance this year, but you can be. The auditions are August 11th at the Anatole in Dallas, but be there early to get a good seat. You don’t want to miss it. We actually used to reserve a room for this every year. We’d make sure we were wearing suits and be downstairs for breakfast upon their arrival. That way we looked like high powered businessmen. Hell, we’d take off of work of the extravaganza. Then, we’d console the poor girls who didn’t make the cut. I’ve looked forward to the event since I turned 16. I’ll miss not being a part of it this year.

But, you can be a part! Auditions start at 9. So, if you’re hot and you can dance, then go tryout. Do me a favor and bring your camera. I want this documented.

Here’s hoping our favorites are there next year rooting our team on. I miss Mavs basketball already.

The links… Mavs Dancers Homepage – Audition Info

Dirk, whud up, home slice? Here’s the deal, brother, my bachelor party is in a few short weeks, and since you’re not doing anything you should just come along. We’re all flying out to Tijuana  San Diego, for some beer and ladies. Of course, the ladies aren’t for me, Dirk. It’s my bachelor party, but Toph is a one man women, er… one woman man. But, Dirk, there will be plenty of booty all around, and they will be Latin. You heard correctly, brother. Latin booty is the best. Let’s be honest here, you’re pretty much known for drinking your life away. Hell, I’ve witnessed it first hand. Remember all those nights at the Loon? Wow, you were drunk. Well, we could do it all over again in sunny Tijuana  San Diego. Ever since you screwed us out of seeing the Mavs win the Finals, you’ve been looking to blow off some steam, right? What’s better than a weekend away with your old pal, Toph? I don’t hold any grudges about the way you performed against the Warriors, or even against the Heat last year. And I definitely will not leave you in a random Mexican city to teach you a lesson. A lesson on courage, and getting back to the States alive. If you can do that Dirk, then you can definitely kick the shit out of Baron Davis’ beard. I’m just saying… So, Dirk, I hope you can make it. You have my email. I’ll talk with you soon, buddy. This time Dirk, why don’t you try being clutch.

P.S. You look sober.

I have so much to complain, praise, and yell about I’ve decided to just wrap it all into one. Okay, so there is nothing to praise. How’s that for sex?

As far as the greatest pictures I have ever seen in my life goes, I have to give it up to The Bastardly for posting these amazing photos of Jessica Alba. As you know by now, I hate the Warriors with all of my heart and soul. They have just barely knocked the Utah Jazz off the pedestal of “teams I wished never existed.” In fact, for the first time in my life, I find myself rooting for the Jazz to beat the Warriors. These pictures of Jessica Alba make me so happy. As you know, I am under the opinion that she has lost a bit in the hottness factor, but you be the judge.

Today Dirk is supposed to be named MVP. The time was supposed to be at 11 CST, but has yet to be announced to me in San Francisco. Until now! Of course I have some thoughts on this. The MVP award is not based on the playoffs. Believe it or not, it is a regular season award. You had to believe that Dirk was the Most Valuable Player this year. Maybe not in the playoffs, but it’s not an award for the playoffs. To that I say congratulations, Dirk. I just hope we get a natural 2 guard, who can attack the basket, by next year. Go Mavs!

I have officially canceled my subscription to Maxim. What a joke of a magazine. I encourage all of you to do so as well. Just go with Playboy. All we want is to see boobs anyways, right? Why did I cancel my subscription that I have had for 5 years?  In this month’s issue you will see Maxim’s Top 100, and you will know the problems I have. I’ve been a fan for as long as it has been around, and I’ve even disagreed with them. This time, though? This time they’ve gone over the edge. They have placed Lindsay Lohan as #1. Are you freaking kidding me? Sure she looks hot in that photo, but I’m sure it has something to do with it being taken 3 years ago. Hell, Noureen Dewulf, whoever that is at 100, is hotter than Lindsay Lohan. You’re telling me that this is your #1?  Wow, Maxim. You’re stupid. Just stick with my Top 10. Trust me, it’s better.

And what the shit is up with Trilogies? I mean, my god, are they that big of a deal? Let’s do a quick run down, shall we? Shrek 3, Spiderman 3, Pirates of the Caribbean 3, Bourne 3, Ocean’s 13, and the lesser hyped Rush Hour 3. Here’s an idea, come up with a new story. It’s not that hard, really. I mean, at some point you have to make a new movie. I know people are writing novels. Go steal their ideas. Just give us something new to watch. I think we’ve earned that much haven’t we? No? Well, fuck you, too.

Hey Hey!

Well, it looks like Dirk showed up last night, and what a relief it was. A lot of Mav fans were extremely happy to get the win last, and I wasn’t one of them. We’re happy to get a win? Come on! Do I think the Mavs can win the series? You better damn well believe it. Do I think the Mavs will win the series? Eh, not so sure. Listen, last night was great and all, but they squandered a 21 point lead. A 21 POINT LEAD!!?!!? You have got to be kidding me. A team that is supposed to be as good as the Mavs should not let 21 point leads slip through their fingers. What happened? The same thing that has happened every time they seem to get a lead. They start to settle for jump shots, they don’t attack the basket, they don’t get back on defense, and their cohesiveness vanishes. As I’ve said before, I’ve been a Mavs fan since I could walk, so I’m allowed to make these criticisms, right?

Our MVP

So, Dirk showed up last night, but why do I still have a problem? Maybe it’s because he didn’t show up until there was two minutes left. I’m still waiting for that drive that makes him want to win, and I want to see it from the opening tip. Don’t tell me he isn’t that player anymore, because I know he is. In the past two games Dirk has made some crazy 3′s. I literally couldn’t believe the shots he was draining. Where is that at the start? It does appear that he has figured out how to beat this Warriors team. Last night he was driving as soon as the ball came into his hands. He split the double team, and passed out of the triple team. He found the open guy, and he went hard for rebounds. Holy shit, that’s Dirk Nowitzki. I couldn’t believe it. I’m not saying we should hand Dirk the MVP, because I’m not sold on him deserving it as much as Steve Nash, but he at least made himself look respectable again. I’m not sure a true MVP can make excuses like Dirk has the past few days, and get away with it. Listen, I’m the biggest Dirk fan, but I’m not sure he deserved it this year. Than again, I think he did last year, so that shows what I know.

The Rest

We will not win another game if we have repeat performances like last night from the rest of the team. Let me change that up a bit, Howard and Diop were both amazing last night. Josh Howard was 10 of 16 from the field with 23 points, adding 8 rebounds, 5 assists, and 3 steals. DeSagana Diop, also with a great game, finished with a career high 11 points going 5 for 5 from the field, and added 7 rebounds, a steal, an assist and one block. Other than that, it was slow starts from Jason Terry, and Stack. We didn’t see much from Devin, who managed to get in early foul trouble, until the 4th quarter where he blew up getting into the lane and drawing contact. Austin Croshere had a nice game off the bench scoring 9 points on 3′s, and going 3 for 4 from behind the arch. If the Mavs want to make the series comeback, they’ll need strong games out of everyone from top to bottom. I believe they can do it, but it’s going to take a lot to do it in Oakland.

Golden State

Playing here hasn’t been easy on the Mavs, and with what happened last night, game 6 will be the loudest these fans have ever been. What I do like is how Golden State keeps breaking these little “most fans to ever see a game in Oracle” records. I remember when the Mavs were posting that malarkey. Now, we have more in attendance during the regular season than they have at a home playoff game. Regardless, home has been very good to these Warriors. After the ejection of Stephen Jackson, the foul out by Baron, and the fighting with fans of Jason Richardson, these Warriors will be on a mission to close this out on their home-court. It’s already been announced HERE that Stephen Jackson will not be suspended, but the league is investigating the apparent fight between Richardson and a fan. I’m worried because when the Warriors are able to keep their cool the Mavs can’t seem to hang on.

To Win

The Mavs will need to get in the heads of Golden State. They will need to come out and take an early lead, and hold on to it. The Mavs can’t survive with that crowd in the game till the end. Yes, the crowd is just that good. Dallas should go with the same lineup as game 5, and they should dominate the paint as well as the boards. I see the Mavs winning, and forcing game 7. If not, it’s still been an amazing season, and I’m still proud to be a Mavs fan.

Snappinin, my loves? Let’s get dirty, shall we? Today is a beautiful 70 degree day here in San Francisco, and I feel alive. It’s the kind day where you want to answer a question with, “Up your butt and around the corner.” Try it! When your boss comes up to you today and says, “Mary, where are your TPS reports?” You tell him, “I’m sorry, sir, but I could have sworn I put those up your butt and around the corner.” I think today should be 80′s day. There are some things that I miss, and what to bring back. First off, I’m putting Tetherball in the office. I was boss at Tetherball. When I feel totally awesome, I’ll scream out cowabunga! More importantly, I’m going to make sure everyone has a coodie shot today. Psych!

Paul in Kansas City, MO – Toph, where did The Old 97′s go?

– Up your butt and around the corner. SCORE! Actually, I’m not sure where they are. I know Rhett put out his solo album, The Instigator, but other than that I’m not sure. Let me check their site. Wow! Thanks for question. Here’s a quote from Rhett, written today, “Two last things: Who’s in a Dallas studio next week, laying down demos for their new album? Uh-huh. ” You can read more by clicking HERE. I can’t wait for the new CD. I’m a big Old 97′s fan. You should be too.

Jess in Philadelphia, Penn – Love the site Toph!!! :)~

– Yeah, it pretty much gives me boners, too.

Stacy in Tallahassee, FL – Hey Toph, what are you doing?

– Not much. I’m actually sitting here at work, doing an Ask Toph. I was also reading an article printed about my friend Beau. It’s pretty cool. I have smart friends. Check it out HERE, and make sure to use his site which can be found HERE. Other than that, I’m gearing up for the Mavs game tonight. Game 3 here in the Bay Area. We say Bay Area when we don’t want to admit something is in Oakland. See, I’m sorting this place out.

Brad in San Diego, CA – Seriously, how do you find time for all of this?

– Listen, Brad. I just make it happen. It’s all you can do, you know. I wake up every morning and look in the mirror. I says, “Toph, make shit happen.” Then, I go out and I make shit happen. Is it a curse or a blessing? It’s neither. It’s something I have accepted and continue to believe in. It started at a young age, too. I believe I was 5 when I first made it happen. Superman has his role, and I have mine. I just do a better job of it.

Tom in Fort Myers, FL – Toph, where do all these chicks come from in your blogs?

– Some of them I know, and some of them I borrow and give credit where it’s due. Just know, that I have or will sleep with them.

Erika in Chapel Hill, NC – So, the big day’s coming soon… nervous?

– Not all. I am pretty pumped about it. I’ve mastered everything I’ve ever touched, so this won’t be too hard. A lot of my readers think this marriage is a joke, or some publicity stunt, and I want to assure you it’s not. Come July The Toph will be married. I better be at least, I dropped a shit load on the honeymoon. Speaking of which, we’re going HERE. My little foreigner had no idea the level of awesome she was getting herself into. I expect wedding presents, too.

Ashley in Charlotte, NC – Hey, Toph!!! Why no American Idol review this week? What else can we expect from this?

– Sorry about that, Ash. I was actually at a conference this week, and couldn’t catch up. Besides, no one was voted off. I’ll be sure to be back with one next week.

You can expect a lot more. I just added a possible weekly, or bi-weekly music portion of the blog, that should make people happy. Other than that, same ol’ Toph. Oh, and be sure to check out my friend Bob’s new blog HERE. He’s going to get deep on your asses. Lastly if you don’t know already, download a feeder and subscribe to my blog. I recommend Vienna, it’s what I use, and it works great. When you download it, be sure to click that little guy in your url bar, and you’ll always be in the know.

Alright… back to work. GO MAVS!!!!

It’s been a really slow day today. I didn’t want to go into the weekend, with nothing, so it’s time I talk about the Mavs. We aren’t far away from the end of the season, and with the playoffs looming, I’d like to give some analysis. Look at it as the way I’d like things to break down.

Round 1 – Golden State – I would absolutely love to see a match-up with the Warriors. It would finally shut these Bay Area people up for an entire year. How long has been since the Warriors were in the playoffs? It also has so many underlined themes to it. Nellie against Avery. Warriors winning like 8 out 10 of the last games. Stephen Jackson trying to kill people. Literally, the guy will try to murder Dirk. I would seriously consider putting bodyguards around Dirk, and make sure he stays away from the Loon. You got that, Dirk? Stay away from the Loon.

Round 2 – Houston – There is not another team I hate as much as I hate the Rockets, except the Jazz. I hate everything about them. I hate Yao, T-Mac, and the rest of those idiots. I hate that people in Houston actually think they are good. They’re not good. The rest of the league stinks. You tell me one team below the top 4 in the West who deserves to be there? You can’t, because they don’t. Hell the #8 seed, currently the Clips, are playing sub .500 basketball. I want to see the Mavs play Houston because I hate them, and I want the Mavs to beat them… again.

Round 3 – San Antonio – As much as I hate to admit it, I don’t mind this years Spurs team. Maybe, it’s that I don’t care enough about them this year, and don’t see them as big as a threat as in the years before. (Weird coincidence… my friend Ryan just called to tell me he was at Will Call for the Mavs – Jazz game. I hate that I’m not in Dallas right now. Apparently, there are tornadoes happening all around. Um, maybe I don’t hate as much. God bless the earthquake.) When it comes down to the Mavs – Spurs (He called back to tell me he’s sitting courtside. Link to pictures to come.) I think it’s a much greater rivalry than the Mavs – Suns. Yeah, they have Nash, but they also have a coach with a child molester mustache. It’s not in good taste. Plus, La Diabla has family in San Antonio, so it would be a fun topic at the wedding. Especially, when we win.

Finals – I want a Mavs – Heat Finals. After all that happened last year, and then every thing that’s happened this year, the Mavs need that game. Dirk needs to prove he’s an MVP type player, and the rest need to prove that they weren’t just a good regular season team. Also, the Heat Dancers are really hot.

Have a great weekend. Maybe we’ll talk before Monday.

Somehow, Glamour magazine gets delivered to my door every month. I’m not sure how, but I think it has something to do La Diabla (how’s that Jon?) trying to understand the American ways. There was a top 10 poll recently on the Sexiest Bodies in the World. I couldn’t help but to think it was completely wrong. They must have surveyed all chicks, or people from 5 years ago. I showed it to my friend, Christian, and he laughed in its face. He then set it on fire, and started cursing the skies. It was fucked up, but warranted. It’s time to update it. First, I’ll give you the Glamour list, and then I’ll give you Christian and I’s conversation.

Worst List Ever

1. Scarlett Johansson
2. Jessica Alba
3. Gisele Bundchen
4. Jennifer Aniston
5. Angelina Jolie
6. Mischa Barton
7. Rachel Bilson
8. Beyonce
9. Jennifer Lopez
10. Kelly Brook

Here we go…

10. April Scott
9. Eva Longoria
8. Kate Beckinsale
7. Elisha Cuthbert
6. Vanessa Marcil
5. Evangeline Lilly
4. Halle Berry
3. Adriana Lima
2. Rachel Bilson
1. Marisa Miller

And here’s how we came about the decisions…

Toph
11:05
Hey
Where you at?

Christian
11:06
I’m here

Toph
11:06
Sweet… okay. Let’s start at number 10.
We’re excluding porn chicks, by the way…
no raven or kate… it’s just not fair

Christian
11:07
true
Ok.
Number ten…

Toph
11:08
April Scott is amazing

Christian
11:09
Not famous enough
Don’t even know who she is

Toph
11:09
do they have to be famous? you didn’t know kelly brook… it’s hottest body in the world competition.

Christian
11:09
oh…right
How about Biel?

Toph
11:10
she’s awfully manish… but she is tight

Christian
11:10
Her shit is really tight

Toph
11:11
Okay… we’ll pencil her in for 10

Christian
11:12
Vanessa Marcil might be good on the lower half, too

Toph
11:12
Yeah, but 9 is kind of mean, isn’t it?

Christian
11:12
is it?

Toph
11:12
I was looking at Eva

Christian
11:13
I like that pic

Toph
11:13
which one?

Christian
11:14
I meant “pick” not “pic”

Toph
11:14
oh… eva it is
Alright… number 8
you know whose body is amazing… kate beckinsale… plus, she’s british
makes it “worldy”

Christian
11:15
ehhhhh

Toph
11:15
she was the vampire chick…

Christian
11:16
Ok..that picture works for me

Toph
11:16
hahaha…
moving on to #7

Christian
11:18
#7
Halle Berry needs to be in here somewhere

Toph
11:18
as number 7?

Christian
11:18
Well, you’re saving all these top spots…and we’re going to run out of places

Toph
11:19
we have lima, miller, bilson, ambrosio… we have room
even jenn sterger from SI

Christian
11:20
I don’t like Ambrosio

Toph
11:20
jessica alba

Christian
11:20
She’s number 11

Toph
11:20
hahaha
hottest bodies!

Christian
11:20
aka….not on the list

Toph
11:20
sophia bush

Christian
11:21
what about dudes?!?!?!

Toph
11:20
you’re killing me…

Christian
11:22
Doesn’t Alyssa Milano make it in?

Toph
11:22
we’ll see… it’s lunch time.

Christian
2:44
sup
so, funny you bastards walked by when you did

Toph
2:44
yeah?
where were you going?

Christian
2:45
interview

Toph
2:45
with wells fargo?

Christian
2:45
I was on a phone interview, going to another interview
yahoo again

Toph
2:45
i’m glad we walked by calling you a fucker. must have been sweet for the interview.

Christian
2:46
i know, thanks for that.
And I wanted to stop and chat with you and then all of a sudden I remember that I was listening to someone talk on the phone who I was supposed to be interviewing with

Toph
2:47
i kept telling them that i thought you were on a phone interview…

Christian
2:47
i totally was

Toph
2:47
sweet… we sound like fucking girls… Let’s finish the list…
where were we?

Christian
2:48
7

Toph
2:48
okay…
10. jessica beil
9. eva longoria
8. kate beckinsale

Christian
2:49
who is growing on me, by the way

Toph
2:49
she’s really hot
did you see click?

Christian
2:50
yup

Toph
2:50
she was so hot in that

Christian
2:50
yes she was
Anywho
Elisha Cuthbert?

Toph
2:52
so, for 7, i’m looking at X-tina, Milano…
but, she’s good

Christian
2:52
Milano/Xtina is good
Not sure which
Milano might be getting old, though I hate to say it
But Xtina’s kind of gross looking sometimes

Toph
2:52
yeah… and her stomach looked off in that bikini photo
she is…
i’m thinking we go with cuthbert

Christian
2:53
done
Plus, she’s banging a hockey player…that puck-fucker’s gotta keep her in shape

Toph
2:53
it’s true… even without teeth
and that scene from old school… so good

Christian
2:53
precisely… i got boners

Christian
2:53
#6
Jaime Pressly?

Toph
2:54
for number 6?

Christian
2:54
Or can we not do her because she’s preggers

Toph
2:54
you don’t want her #1 then?

Christian
2:54
no way, Jose
She’s not #1

Toph
2:54
even if she’s preggers?

Christian
2:55
That’s personal preference. I’m trying to be objective

Toph
2:55
Right…

Christian
2:55
Can Simpson be on the list, based on tits alone?

Toph
2:55
maybe… she’s gotten fat since john mayer.
we could go with vanessa marcil or penelope cruz…

Christian
2:56
No Penelope
She’s too on and off again

Toph
2:56
fine

Christian
2:56
Marcil it is

Toph
2:56
and her name sucks
penelope?
that’s just stupid

Christian
2:56
Maybe not…
Don’t you think it would be fun to say you were banging a chick named Penelope in real life?

Toph
2:57
not penelope ann miller

Christian
2:57
Toph, I’m fucking this incredibly hot chick right now
Oh yeah?
Yeah- get this- her name’s PENELOPE
that shit’s hot

Toph
2:57
Penelope ann miller?

Christian
2:57
Ann Miller is a hot name, too

Toph
2:57
she was amazing in kindergarden cop

Christian
2:57
So was Arnold
Can he be #1?

Toph
2:58
the phamp video alone
i mean, shit

Christian
2:58
That would be really funny if he was our number one
3. Adriana Lima
2. Marissa miller
1. THE GOVERNATOR?

Toph
2:58
ummm…
let’s get through 5

Christian
2:59
ok
sorry

Toph
2:59
we’ll see…

Christian
2:59
So 6…Vanessa
5?

Toph
2:59
right

Christian
2:59
Halle Berry?

Toph
2:59
thinking….
yes
google that
3:00

Toph
3:00
did you see her in boomerang?
so good

Christian
3:01
yeah, man. I love her thighs

Toph
3:02
okay… #4

Christian
3:02
shit
this gets tough

Toph
3:03
yes it does…

Christian
3:03
Marissa/Lima/ who else is in the running for tops?

Toph
3:04
lima, miller, alba, aniston

Christian
3:04
Aniston doesn’t get it

Toph
3:04
not even with her nips?

Christian
3:04
I don’t think her shit’s that tight anymore
I’ve never seen her nips

Toph
3:05
not even in every friends episode?

Christian
3:05
I just saw the roundness of her nobs…never the actual nip presentation

Toph
3:05
demoted!!! she’s out
i think jenn sterger should be in here

Christian
3:06
I can’t get with you on the Sterger thing
What about Scarlett?

Toph
3:06
she’s just boobs

Christian
3:06
the problem with that is?

Toph
3:06
it’s hottest body…
head to toe

Christian
3:07
I can’t do it
Sterger just isn’t there

Toph
3:07
okay
jessica alba?

Christian
3:07
Bruce says he would jam her hard

Toph
3:07
which one?

Christian
3:07
Alba

Toph
3:07
who wouldn’t bruce jam hard?

Christian
3:08
he likes that one

Toph
3:08
alba as 4?

Christian
3:08
ok
She’s gone flat though

Toph
3:09
flat?

Christian
3:09
She’s losing her edge
She used to be so voloptuous
now she’s tapering off

Toph
3:09
have you seen the trailer from her new movie?
you hate evangeline lilly don’t you?

Christian
3:11
Bruce just mentioned her

Toph
3:12
i’m sold her for the 4 spot

Christian
3:12
Who’s THAT?

Toph
3:12
evangeline lilly

Christian
3:12
NO!

Toph
3:12
no??

Christian
3:12
It doesn’t even look like her

Toph
3:13
yes it does

Christian
3:13
I’ll go with it
I love her tanned, with wet hair and freckles

Toph
3:13
done
and she canadian… so we’re worldly…
Top 3

Christian
3:14
Raven Riley, Raven Riley, Raven Riley

Toph
3:14
and kate

Christian
3:14
Raven, Kate, Raven and Kate
I say Marissa is 1, Lima is 2, and I don’t know about three

Toph
3:15
lima 3

Christian
3:16
Ok
2?

Toph
3:16
number 2

Christian
3:17
Natalie Imbruglia?

Toph
3:17
Courtney love?

Christian
3:17
Vanessa Rabbit?

Toph
3:18
Jessica Rabbit?

Christian
3:18
fuck
didn’t sound right when it came out
Vanessa Rabbit is her hot cousin

Toph
3:19
with blonde hair?
have you seen Kelly Hu?

Christian
3:19
No

Toph
3:20
no you haven’t seen her… or no!!!

Christian
3:21
You know, I like her
But she doesn’t have the second hottest body in all of the world

Toph
3:21
ummm…
okay

Christian
3:21
Can I vote Toph?

Toph
3:21
it’s a given

Christian
3:22
Roy Hibbert?

Toph
3:22
Imus

Christian
3:22
done

Toph
3:23
Bilson

Christian
3:23
Done
Shit

Toph
3:23
Miller for 1

Christian
3:23
Ok, if Marissa Miller is 1
Can Wes Welker be 1a?

Toph
3:23
in my heart
alright…
let’s double check…
10) Jessica Beil
9) Eva Longoria
8) Kate Beckinsale
7) Elisha Cuthbert
6) Vanessa Marcil
5) Halle Berry
4) Evangeline Lilly
3) Adriana Lima
2) Rachel Bilson
1) Marisa Miller

i could trade jessica beil for kelly hu
OR…
Jarah Mariano… the new VS model…

Christian
3:28
Halle Berry needs to be above Evangeline
And I’m willing to trade Biel out if you are…for alba or Kelly hu

Toph
3:28
okay…
but…
isn’t jessica alba and eva longoria besically the same person?

Christian
3:29
Not at all
Longoria’s better for my tastes because she’s little

Toph
3:30
let’s go kelly hu then eva

Christian
3:31
deal

Toph
3:31
halle berry at 4? and you said no to this girl? http://www.aprilscott.com/gallery/
are you sure?

Christian
4:31
holy moley
she’s like Josie Maran, but hotter

Toph
4:32
and bigger boobs
and younger

Toph
4:32
i think she should replace cuthbert

Christian
4:34
NO!
I love Elisha

Toph
4:34
she must be on the list

Christian
4:35
11

Toph
4:35
we could bump kelly hu…
that takes out our asian flavor…
which will piss off ray
but he moved to hawaii today, so he gets no say!

Christian
3:33
Do it… I may need some alone time in the bathroom for her. Dear god. Wait, when did the Patriots get Sammy Morris from the dolphins?

Toph
3:34
no idea…
where’d you see that?

Christian
3:35
I’m reading an issue of Sports Illustrated that Dan brought me on my bday
i’m REALLY busy today

Toph
3:35
I see that
have you seen the trailer for the american idol girl sex tape? It’s not safe for work. Maybe not safe for home.

Christian
3:36
YES!
Can’t wait

Toph
3:37
how did she not win?
should she be added as #1

Christian
3:40
She’s an asterisk

Toph
3:40
I love sex tapes so much.

Christian
3:40
I know you do…

Christian
3:55
I feel like there should have been more arguments and jockeying for position

Toph
3:56
we did agree on a lot

Christian
3:56
especially for two kids that have opposite appreciation of women

Toph
3:56
right

Christian
3:56
perhaps we just both appreciate the intrinsic beauty of both

Toph
3:56
that’s what i was hoping for

Christian
3:57
Not bad for the first Tang debate though.

Toph
3:57
i can’t say that i’m not impressed…

Christian
3:57
i want to sex all of them

Toph
3:58
and with time we will…

Christian
3:58
I gotta shit now.

Toph
3:58
wipe hard…

Christian
3:58
we’ll see…

My favorite part was the 3 hour lunch. Anyhow, there you go. That’s how two dudes figure out who has the hottest body in the world. Fuck you, Glamour Magazine.

Tonight I witnessed something that I never thought I would see. I know it’s not the same as what Boston fans went through, but in a way it is. Neither I nor Red Sox fans had a chance to see their team in it all in our entire lives, but as opposed to Boston, I hadn’t seen my team even reach the championship. We didn’t have a chance to screw it up because we never went far enough. When I was little, we had season tickets to the Mavs. Apparently, as I child, I loved the Mavericks. Being so young, I didn’t remember any of this, but I was a fan. I believe I had Maverick curtains in my room. How I wish I still had those sweet Roy Tarpley curtains laced with all that coke. I came really closely tied with that team as my Aunt Connie had a one night stand with Brad Davis, but then again who didn’t have a one night stand with my Aunt Connie. It was later revealed to me that she was in no way related to me, just one of those people you call an Aunt. I thought you should know that. My first memory of the Mavs was when they acquired the 3 J’s, Jason Kidd, Jimmy Jackson, and Jamal Mashburn. I remember when we brought Dick Motta back to coach them and we had those amazing commercials, “Dick Motta, yeah we got ‘em.” Jon might be the only other person who remembers those commercials. I remember Finley coming to the Mavs, and I have to admit, I have no idea how he stuck around for that long. We had some terrible players, Bradley, Jones, Pack, Tarpley (again), Ceballos, O Miller, the list goes on. We got a young man named Dirk Nowitzki, and he was terrible, we all though Nellie was a moron from bringing him and that Steve Nash guy in the league.

There we are, Jon and I are standing outside of our apartment at Club Copper Creek rooting on our team who is down by 3 games in the first round to the Utah Jazz. Larry comes out look for some paper to ball up because he just likes paper. Napoleon knocks on the door asking me if he can borrow condoms, he’ll give ‘em back. I told him to keep them, I’ll buy more. Jon and I will always have the Mavs in common. It doesn’t matter how long we go without talking the Mavs always bring us together. Do you have anyone like that? Where one thing always brings you together? It’s pretty kick ass really, and that’s the power of sports. It’s just the power of sports… ba ba ba bananana… Sorry, bad song reference.

We came back to beat that Utah team, being one of the first, possibly the first, team to come back from down 3. I didn’t miss a game that season, and I have missed few since then. If I do have to miss one, then I am always aware of the score shortly after, because Ryan is texting me throughout. One of, if not the, greatest moment of my life (sad I know) is when Marci and I got to meet the Dallas Mavericks. I remember it well. I was standing outside having a smoke before the players arrived and Shawn Bradley told me that I should think about quitting. I told him that I would one day, but not now. I hated Shawn Bradley. I got to meet Dirk and Nash, and Nick At Night, and Eddie, and the rest of the playoff roster that year. Each one signed my basketball. Except for Fin, that rat bastard. I’m glad JET punched you, because you deserved it for not even bothering to show up back in 2003. I have been to one game in every single playoff series since the first one against the Jazz, except this year. I’ve been to 4 game sevens, seen them win and lose. I’ve sat in a suite and sat courtside. I have watched from the nose bleed section, and painted the hell out of my body for a playoff game verse Portland. Remember that? Marci and I were on TV all night because I had attached two wig heads to my shoulders and wore a long blonde wig for Dirk, and had one with a long black wig for Nash, and had a bald one for Fin.(still a rat bastard for not signing my ball.)

Tonight I watched my Mavs win for the first time in the NBA Finals. I watched them beat their long time nemesis, Shaquille “Shaq Fu” O’Neal. I was sad because I wasn’t there. I will be there. I’ll see you guys in the finals. I have rooted for too long and too hard for me not to be there. One way or another, I will make it happen. Go Mavs! 3 more wins left. Just win it at home for me, and all the other people who have grown up with you.