I got an IM from a close girlfriend of mine today.
She’s found herself newly single, and on the prowl, she provided me with her little life scenario. Basically, it’s a what to do now? Can I (she), as the chick, make the next move. They have mutual friends, see each other rather frequently, have hung out once (or twice, I don’t remember) and exchanged numbers. It was determined that they should go out for a drink, or another “nondate” as she called it. This led her to ask, “Since we don’t have set plans, and I’d like to see him again… What should I do next?”
First of all, nondates are new to me, but I digress.
It’s the question that women have been asking themselves since they first heard of Carrie Bradshaw, right? Can the chick actively pursue a dude, or do they have to sit and wait for him to make the move.
Plenty of women have opinions on this topic, but rarely have I seen a dude give advice on it. So, let’s see if we can’t set up some rules here.
Can you, the woman, initialize the first date? I’m going to say, sort of here. While I definitely think you can be the one to approach the guy at a bar/club/grocery store/gym/birdwatchers club, I think it is up to him to secure your number and make the first date. It’s just a law that shouldn’t be broken. Of course, if you’ve had a few nondates, and are more closely linked than being picked up at birdwatcher club, then it is acceptable to make the call.
If he texts first, should you worry? I think so. I think texting should be out of the question, until after you’ve established what you are, even if what you are is casual. You’ll know this by date two. Texting is impersonal, and, more importantly, easier. Anyone can text and ask for a date (or be reject by text). The dude has got to step it up and make the call. If you accept a first date via text, you’re required to fuck him.
When can you make the move? Definitely after the first date, if you want to keep shit going. You do need to tread lightly here, though. Suggest going for drinks, or whatever, and have a firm date set. If he can’t, then put the ball back in his court. You’ll find out quickly if this going to move forward or not. If you don’t want to keep things going, then, you know, blow him off.
Really, unless you’re 20, there’s no point to beat around the bush. Dating is like sales, right? Here’s my product. Here’s how it’ll benefit you. I’ll give you a trial. If you liked the trial, then you should buy it. When it stops working, or they come out with an upgrade, then buy the new model.
Wait… maybe not the last part…
