Ask Toph… Baby Edition

So, the cat is now out of the bag, or the baby is now in the belly, Diabla and I are expecting a baby. Crazy shit, right? We’ve been through a lot together, you and I, and I’m sure you’re just as surprised as I am. Well, maybe not, since I did stick it with impregnating intentions. So, judging from my inbox, you guys have a lot of questions. Let’s get to them.

Christian in Wilton, CT – Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…

–Calm down, Christian.

Jill in Miami, OH – CONGRATS ON THE BABY, TOPH!!!!!!!!!! You’re going to love it so much.

–Not a question, Jill.

Amy in Boston, MA – What does this mean, Toph? I have so many questions!! Will the blog continue? Will this shit become all about your baby? I’m scared, Toph… hold me.

–I mean, it’s not going to become ALL about the baby, but it definitely gives me more to write about. If you had just received the most awesome baby in the history of the world, second only to baby Jesus, you’d write about it every day.

James in Dallas, TX – Oh man, when do we get to hear the crazy pregnant stories. With a nickname like Diabla, I’m sure she has been tough.

–Ah hell, James… it has been fucking insane. I accidentally heated up her tuna sandwich, and I swear I thought the world was going to come to an end. I put on cologne once, and I had to take shower with a high pressured hose, then I had to give everyone in my building a scrub down with the hose. It’s amazing, cause you don’t realize how you actually fuck up everything you do until you impregnate someone. I can’t even take out the trash correctly anymore. Cause, damn dude, if I don’t double bag it, she’ll be able to smell it 4 floors up.

Christian in Wilton, CT – …hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh….

–I know, dude.

Jessica in Orange County, CA – When is the due date??

–It’s August 14th.

Rebecca in Spokane, WA – Have you thought of any names?!?!

–Of course, we’re thinking about Christian, Jill, Amy, James, Jessica or Rebecca… wait… those are your names! Yeah, we have a few names we’re considering, but don’t want to just give them away. Unfortunately, she has taken Kujo Miller and Jeter Romo Miller out of the running.

Rose in Fort Wayne, IN – Are you sure you’re ready for this, Toph? I mean, your life is going to be so different.

–I’m definitely ready for this. We’ve been talking about it for a year. There’s never the perfect time to do it, and this is as close as it’s gonna get. As far as my life changing and whatnot, I mean, hello, I know. The first thing people have said to me, “Toph, this is gonna change your life.” Oh, really? Wait, but it’s a baby. I thought it’d come out and knew how to do everything. I mean, no shit people! The truth is, my life rules. Baby Toph will only add to the awesomeness. I will still have to go out of town for work, just not as often. I have everything planned, and if it doesn’t go according to the plan, then I’ll still be awesome.

Christian from Wilton, CT – …hhhhhhhhh… dude?

–Yup. Getting closer, Christian.

Rachel in NYC – So excited for you!!! Does this mean the baby will have a twitter?

–Yeah, I’m working on that. Diabla hates the idea, but how funny would it be? “Mom ate some bullshit today… I want a steak, sucka.” Who isn’t laughing at this?

Erica in Fort Worth, TX – How excited is Diabla?!?!!?

–On a scale of 1 – 100 she’s about an 8. She’s really pulling for a girl, because, let’s be honest, the world doesn’t deserve another me. She’s about as excited as seeing a hand grenade coming toward you.

Alright… That’s enough baby talk for today… Trust me, there’s gonna a shitton more in the coming days/weeks/months/years…

Christian in Wilton, CT – You’re gonna be a fucking dad.

–I know, dude.

Late!