I’ve debated allowing D. to write on the site, so we don’t have to keep posting his emails. But, I’m still not sure how I feel about allowing someone else to write on my blog. So, for now, we’ll stick to the same format. It seems to work best.
When we left D. he had just unsuccessfully hit on his crush, Amber. So, I decided I’d play a little “Choose Your Own Adventure Book” with D. I gave him an opportunity to either keep trying to hookup with Amber directly, or to get her attention by hooking up with one of her friends. It’s a classic trick that’s been used since as far back as I can remember. You can always get a girl’s attention by talking to one of her friends. The funny part about this is it’s not a secret! I’m saying it here in plain view, and I’m not the first to have said it. Hell, chicks readily admit this is true, yet, they still always want what they presumably can’t have.
Hey Toph. So, Amber has this friend, Britney, that’s pretty cute. I heard that Britney kinda liked me, so I went for it. Low-hanging fruit is what you call that, right?
I went up to Britney and asked her if she had Skip Day plans. She said she was hanging out with Amber and Makayla, but asked if I wanted to come along. Awesome. We ended up hanging out at Bob’s, shocking, and playing video games and smoking weed. Seriously, doesn’t this guy have parents? I wonder how my mom would react if I brought a bunch of people over and we smoked weed and drank all day. The funny thing is, there aren’t any photos in the house, either. Britney asked if I wanted to go upstairs, and we ended up making out for like 30 minutes. Awesome! But, here’s where it gets more awesome, as we’re going back downstairs, Amber sees us, and walks out of the room. What does that mean??
OH, and I have the ID!!! It looks like me, and my cousin is 22, so it’s not like I’m 21, or 30, you know? Like you said, “Making it happen…”
Success.
D. It’s like you woke up that morning and became awesome. I started giving high fives to Diabla when I read this (who, ps, would be completely disgusted if she knew this was all going on…). It means you have her in the perfect place. You now have her attention, and can make her jealous. You need to go on a private date with Britney. Make sure this date is awesome. So awesome that she’s going to want to talk about it. Get creative, but don’t get so creative that you start falling for her. Remember, we’re just using her to get what we actually want. It’s probably best to do something where there’s a lot of people around. Y’all should go to a game. I don’t know what city you’re in, so I’d try going to a basketball game or something. She’ll be impressed that you bought tickets, and she’ll be even more impressed when you go get her a hotdog, and you come back with 2 beers. Use that fake ID man… USE IT. Feel free to round 2nd base and head for third tonight. Let’s be honest, even though you’re aiming for her friend, you still spent a lot of money tonight. You deserve action for your hard work. Wait, can you even afford this stuff?
As always… report back, and good luck.
This kid just continues to bring it each and every day. I can’t seem to figure out why he needs me. He’s fucking clutch. And, seriously, I really need to find Bob’s house. This guy just sounds awesome.
