Fuck, I can’t believe I’m still counting with Roman Numerals. Does anyone even know what fucking number that is?
Anyways, as you know Thanksgerie is this week, so of course I’ll be dedicating tomorrow to it. But, before we get to that, let’s clear out the inbox with another Ask Toph…
And, before I begin let me address a quick issue. Oftentimes people accuse these emails of not being real. Well, trust that they’re very real. Names are changed to protect the innocent, but everything else is exactly the way the Lord intended.
Anna from Jackson, Mississippi - God, you are so fucking hot, Toph.
–See? Totally real.
Laura from Austin, TX – Hey Toph… I have a polite stalker. I have met him a handful of times but I never remember what he looks like, so each time he reintroduces himself. And since he seemed nice enough, I gave him my number when he asked. Now he calls and texts me; texts me when he sees me walking down the street, texts me when he sees me at the bar or calls me on Sunday nights and leaves a text instead of voicemail. Short of ignoring him, how do I tell him to fuck off (politely, of course)?
–I get the message loud and clear, Laura. You could have just told me you’re not interested and it would have saved us this embarrassing exchange in front of my people! Ummm… wait… different Laura. You know, here’s what’s funny about chicks, they make terrible mistakes. They do. It’s true. Turn the shit around, and watch what happens when a “nice” chick hits on a dude. He avoids her, ignores her and doesn’t give her his information. This should just be standard practice amongst men and women, women and women, and men and men. Just say, “If I were to date you, I’d be dating down. So, it’s not going to happen.” What’s wrong with that? Or, fuck them and change your number.
Bill in Miami, FL – Hey bud, so I’m an older gentleman. I love your blog, and I love the ladies (the two don’t actually have anything to do with each other). I’m successful, and I’m just divorced. I would like to start dating again, but I’m too old for bars and, honestly, meeting women can be difficult. Oftentimes I look back after hitting on a chick and wonder how creepy I just looked. I’m going to jump into the online dating world. I know you work in the internet, so is there any advice you can give me?
–Yes, say you’ll date Asians. Word is (I know someone on the inside) is that there are tons and tons of Asian chicks on these sites looking for dudes. I don’t know why, but if you’re older then you can get younger Asian chicks on dating sites. What if you don’t like Asians, though? Well, then I hope you have something going for you, then, cause it’s gonna be tough.
Maddy in Stillwater, OK – Toph, Friday is Black Friday!!! What should I buy my boyfriend?! Give me your top 5 gifts!
–I love Black Friday so much. Of course, I’ll be publishing my annual Toph Speaks Gift Guide in early December, but here’s a quick 5 to get your started this Friday.
—-1. Apple Nano and Nike+ – I can’t even express how much I want one (I did last year, too, if you remember). The new Nano shoots video, plays FM radio and, of course, Nike+. Starting at $149
—-2. Interview Suit – Since it’s likely I’ll be doing some interviews come January, I’m looking for a new navy suit. Banana is usually the perfect place to find a nice, inexpensive suite.
—-3. GameFly subscription – If you’re boyfriend is a gamer, then wouldn’t it be awesome to give him a year subscription to GameFly? It’s less than $200, and it would make you look like a genius.
—-4. Snowboard – I’m coming into year 3 of my board, and I’m ready for a new one. Update your dude’s gear, or whatever it is he likes. You can’t go wrong with getting a new version of something he loves.
—-5. Douchebag headphones – I’d love a pair of d-bag headphones, but I’ll never buy them for myself. Skullcandy headphones rule, too.
