Toph Speaks

I guess you could say I’ve been very lucky when it has to do with drinking. It seems that I’ve just always known someone working at a bar, owning a bar or someone who has known someone who works at or owns a bar. Unless we’re looking for something new or are out town, expensive bar bills is not something I’m accustomed to. It’s a life I’ve learned to love.

Getting hooked up a bar is essential while actively dating ladies. Truth is if you’re single, you should be going on at least 2 dates a week (at the very least Tuesday and Sunday, but we’ll get into that on another day). This is something that if done incorrectly, can be extremely expensive. Do the math - Dinner (appetizers, main course, bottle of wine or scotch, dessert) = $70 - 150, drinks after for $20 - $50 and you’ve suddenly dropped $200 on a girl that you’re only going to bang once… maybe twice. It’s not right, dude.

Well, I can’t help you much with the dinner, unless you know a waiter or something, but I can help you with the bar tab.

One of Ryan and my greatest successes was having a bar all of our own. OK, it wasn’t our bar, but we got whatever we want, and walked out with $10 tabs. How?

1. We picked a bar that pretty new, and didn’t have an establish following.

2. We drank with the owner and bartenders regularly, tipping big, and becoming friends on a first name basis.

3. After a few weeks, we made a deal. We told him, if we can pack this place out, then you’ll take care of us. Deal?

And, that’s what happened. We started “hosting” Dallas Morning News happy hours there, and people stuck around. Having people in the bar brought other people into the bar, and before you knew it, there were bands playing, a bouncer and chicks. The best part? Ryan and I never paid for shit, and were always the first people they’d come to at the bar. I’m not gonna lie, it was pretty badass.

In college, I learned that if you bring people into bars, then they’ll split money with you. Whether it’s money collected at the door, or a share of money earned at the bar. Well, this is basically the same, only they’re pouring you drinks instead of handing over money.

Granted, you may not have a shit ton people at your disposal to bring to the bar. Well, that’s OK, do everything else. You should make sure you tip big even when they’re hooking up with a $10 tab. Don’t tip $2 on a $10 tab when you had 10 drinks and 4 shots. Give them 100% tip.

Do that, and you’ll be drinking for cheap.

Late.