Toph Speaks

The returning shows for the 2008 - 2009 Fall TV schedule are beasts. Needless to say, thanks to the writer’s strike, a lot of shows managed to stick around. Thankfully, I like a majority of them. So, I’ll save my fingers and get right to the preview. For a recap of the new shows, please check it out HERE.

The Rating System

- The hottest skillets on TV

- Exceeds most TV shows

- A couple of great skillets

- Seriously? Did you even try?

Even - You’re just pathetic. Make a decision.

Negative - You should be ashamed of yourself.

Monday

Dancing w/ the Stars | ABC - Considering the fact I have no plans to watch Dancing with the Stars, in case Diabla decides she wants to, at least there will be some ladies to look at. The list includes - Brooke Burke, Toni Braxton (who was hot 10 years ago?), Misty May-Treanor, Kim Kardashian and uber-sex Susan Lucci!!! Plus a couple of the dancers are usually skillets, and that Carrie Ann is kind of soy-saucy.

Big Bang Theory | CBS - I still love this show. It’s funny, dumb and it has Kaley Cuoco. It still doesn’t add anymore skillets, though. Doesn’t matter, because I’m still watching it.

How I Met Your Mother | CBS - Easily one of the best comedies on TV. Of course, the two ubercuties, Cobie Smulders and Alyson Hannigan are back, and you can always count on NPH to wrestle up some ladies.

Gossip Girl | The CW - GG is in a league of it’s own. I mean, what are you going to do with a cast of Blake Lively, Leighton Meester, Taylor Momsen and Jessica Szohr? Yeah, it doesn’t get much better than Gossip Girl.

Terminator: Sarah Connor Chronicles | Fox - Terminator was one of those shows that came in late, and then got screwed by the strike. I didn’t watch an episode, but it does have Summer Glau, and that’s enough for me. How has she not been a Skillet of the Week yet?

Chuck | NBC - Chuck turned out to be the new show of the year last year, when you don’t count Gossip Girl. How crazy is it that they were both created by Josh Schwartz, who also created The OC. This guy needs to be the Toph Speaks Man of the Year. Chuck still has Yvonne Strzechowski and Sarah Lancaster, and if we’re lucky, we can get Rachel Bilson to make another appearance!

Two and a Half Men | CBS - I’m still so down on this show. I’ve got no desire to watch it. Therefore, no skillets this year!

Samantha Who? | ABC - I actually feel bad for Christina Applegate and her breast cancer fiasco. But, the cancer is gone, and she gets new boobs! Diabla loves this show, and I still think Christina Applegate is hot. Also, as it turns out, Jennifer Esposito is a lot cuter than I gave her credit for.

One Tree Hill | The CW - Looks like it’s finally the last season for One Tree Hill. Yeah, I’m kind of mad that I won’t be able to see Sophia Bush each week, but I’m sure I’ll survive. Last year, the brought in this nanny, played by Torrey DeVitto who was… um… special. For the love, please bring her back. Of course, OTH still has our favorites - Hilarie Burton and Bethany J. Galeotti.

Prison Break | Fox - Yup… You can still count me out on this. Ugh… Negative

*(Midseason Return) Rules of Engagement | CBS - I started coming around on this. It’s actually kind of funny. Patrick Warburton freakin’ kills me. Plus, Bianca Kajilich is still hot, and I even started thinking Megyn Price was oddly hot. Although, no photo confirms my feelings.

Heroes | NBC - Honestly, I have no idea what’s even going on with Heroes anymore. But, it’s gotten “super bad… and sexy.” So, that helps. Of course, Hayden Panettiere is all we really need for 2 skillets. Heroes steps it up and adds Dania Ramirez, Ali Larter and, with any luck, Kristen Bell is back. That’s enough to raise a skillet this year. 

Boston Legal | ABC - Boston Legal moves into the late Monday night slot. They lost some skillets last year, but did manager to add Saffron Burrows. We’re not watching this show for the skillets, are we?

CSI: Miami | CBS - I have no desire to rate any CBS show from this point forward. The whole network is a let down from this moment on.

Tuesday

NCIS | CBS - See what I mean? Let. Down. Negative

House | Fox - I’m just not sold on Jennifer Morrison. Christian thinks she’s the cat’s pajamas, so I’ll toss her a Skillet this year.

The Biggest Loser: Familes | NBC - FAT FAMILIES!!! NO!!!!!! Negative

Eli Stone | ABC - Eli Stone shocked the hell out of me last year. I was fully expecting it suck hard (and why has no one mentioned that Eli is played by Jonny Lee Miller… Crash Override from Hackers). Everyone knows that Natasha Henstridge is a sexy lady, but I didn’t expect Julie Gonzalo to be so cute (excuse the photo). Watch this show… it’s good.

Without a Trace | CBS - Fuck you, CBS.

Law & Order: SVU | CBS - Fuck you so hard.

Wednesday

Pushing Daisies | ABC - It’s not only what Ryan does in a toilet, it’s also a clever TV show on ABC. Where it survives in the new year is up for debate, but the two chicks, Anna Friel and Kristin Chenoweth are quite cute. I didn’t have much hope for this show last year, but it surprised me.

New Adventures of Old Christine | CBS - Yeah, I can’t say I’ve seen a whole episode. I also can’t say that Julia Louis-Dreyfus is hot. Don’t get me wrong, I would, but she’s getting old. I’ll toss the old gal a

America’s Next Top Model | The CW - You know, I’m taking away a skillet this year. Mainly because Tyra crapped herself. I couldn’t figure out if that deserved another skillet, or what…

Bones | Fox - Has anyone ever watched Bones? I hear it’s a decent show, and it has Emily Deschanel. Yup, it’s Zooey’s sister. And that’s good enough for

Private Practice | ABC - It was no surprise that this show wasn’t good. It could have hot chicks, if you’re 40. Kate Walsh is sometimes hot, and, oddly enough, I’ve always had a thing for Amy Brennemen. It’s weird, I know, but she just does it for me.  

Criminal Minds | CBS - I don’t even know why I bother reviewing CBS shows. Seriously. Not this year!

‘Til Death | Fox -Honestly, I’ve watched this show once. It wasn’t funny. It also doesn’t have any chicks, so don’t get your hopes up. Sorry.

Deal or No Deal | NBC - It’s show that features models. What more do you want? Katie Cleary, Anya Monzikova, Brooke Long, Keltie Martin, Lindsay Clubine… I mean… damn.

Dirty Sexy Money | ABC - I’m still not sure how I feel about this show. It’s going to need to step it up if I’m going to become a regular review. Part of that will be giving Samaire Armstrong a little more face time. Of course, Natalie Zea isn’t too bad herself.

CSI:NY | CBS - Not going to do it, CBS.

(If you’re wondering where Lost is, ask stupid ABC. It won’t be back till February.)

Lipstick Jungle | ABC - Diabla and I went back and forth on this show. It’s decent, and Kim Raver is OK. Really, if it weren’t for Lindsay Price, it would have no hope.

Thursday

Ugly Betty | ABC - I’m going to give you the exact preview as last year, but update the photos. OK? Another past Skillet of the Week winner, Becki Newton, is so special. Add her to cast of Rebecca Romijn, Ana Ortiz, plus a slew of hot extras and you have success. And you know what? America Ferrera is cute as shit, too.

Smallville | The CW - I thought Smallville was slowly coming to an end, but it looks like it’ll still be kicking into this season, and possibly after. Sadly, it looks like Kristen Kreuk won’t be there anymore. However, you can count on Laura Vandervoort Allison Mack and Erica Durance to keep things awesome.

The Moment of Truth | Fox - I actually hate this show so much. It’s the one with the lie detector test, and they have to guess if they told the truth or not. It’s fucking stupid.

My Name is Earl | NBC - Still a funny show, and Jaime Pressly and Nadine Velazquez are as lethal of a combination as they come. 

Grey’s Anatomy | ABC - Yeah, I’m kind of down on this show. It just hasn’t been good since the second season. Maybe this year they’ll kill Katherine Heigl. Say what you will about her, but there’s no denying how hot she is.

CSI | CBS - Damnit, CBS!?!?!

Supernatural | The CW - Yeah, I still don’t know how this came out of The CW. A show with no chicks? Really? Negative

Kitchen Nightmares | Fox - I love this show so much. Chef Gordon Ramsey is hilarious, and the show is great. But, no, there aren’t any chicks.

The Office | NBC - Easily the funniest show on TV, and last season Jenna Fischer got even cuter. Also, don’t sleep on, Melora Hardin as Jane. She’s quite special. 

30 Rock | NBC - The Office is the funniest show on TV, but 30 Rock isn’t too far behind. Of course it has Jane Krakowski and Katrina Bowden, but I’m sticking by Tina Fey being an unsung Skillet hero.

ER | NBC - Sadly, this is the final season for ER. The good news (if anyone is still watching) Noah Wiley is coming back. I always like him on that show. Why he’s nothing outside of it is beyond me. Angela Bassett will be on ER this year. My friend, Paul, used to want her to kick his has, then make love to him. I’ve always always been a big fan of Maura Tierney, especially in her News Radio days. Linda Cardellini has been around for sometime, and she’s a skillet. And, of course, the cutiest Indian-Brit there is, Parminder Nagra.

Friday

I’m cutting Friday out this year. You shouldn’t be watching TV on Friday. Go out, and drink.
Sunday (The shows that matter)

Desperate Housewives | ABC - Apparently, Eva Longoria will be ugly this season. WHYYYYY?!?!?!! Well, at least we’ll still have Felicity Huffman (who has something going for her), Teri Hatcher (who is getting old), Nicollette Sheridan (I’m trying here) and Marcia Cross (I don’t care what you say… she’s hot). Lastly, when we’re lucky, we get Joy Lauren. 

Cold Case | CBS - Suck it, CBS.

Brothers & Sisters | ABC - Well, I guess Emily Van Camp will still be on the show. That means something, right? Whatever, I still think it’s a good show. I just don’t get why Emily Van Camp isn’t a bigger deal.

The Unit | CBS - Well, CBS, we’ll always have Monday’s…..

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In Other News….

Scrubs | ABC -Scrubs is slated to come back on ABC midseason, which is pretty cool.

Las Vegas | NBC - They have, sadly, cancelled Las Vegas. I think it’s pretty fucking stupid, too.

Friday Night Lights | NBC - At least NBC has done something right, in a growing list of wrongs. FNL will be coming back at midseason. You know what that means… we’ll welcome Minka Kelly, Aimee Teegarden and Adrianne Palicki back with open arms. Aimee Teegarden lives in Ray’s building in Austin, and Ed spotted Minka Kelly at his restaurant in Austin. Bastards. 

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New Shows Totals

NBC - 

ABC - 26

The CW - 14

CBS - 6

Fox - 2

Grand Network Totals

NBC - 32

ABC - 24

The CW - 22

CBS - 6

Fox - 5

It’s sad that despite how shitty CBS is, Fox couldn’t beat it. Well, let’s hope no one strikes this year. Thanks for reading.

Here’s this years New Shows | Here’s the Fall TV Preview from ‘07 - ‘08 Returning Shows | Here’s the Fall TV Preview from ‘07 - ‘08 New Shows | Here’s the Fall TV Preview ‘06 - ‘07 Returning Shows | Here’s my Fall TV Preview ‘06 - ‘07 New Shows