Toph Speaks

I still love Fall. Ever year I look forward to the new and old shows on TV. I guess it brings hope and promise that ABC will stop gaying it up and The CW will get a full cast of hot, legal teens. The end of baseball season, and the beginning of football season. As always, here’s my Fall TV Preview for the new major Network shows.

Enjoy…

The Rating System

- The hottest skillets on TV

- Exceeds most TV shows

- A couple of great skillets

- Seriously? Did you even try?

Even - You’re just pathetic. Make a decision.

Negative - You should be ashamed of yourself.

Monday

Big Bang Theory | CBS - CBS tried to step it up with its first new show of the season. It’s basically 2 nerds that move in across the hall from a hot chick. Well, this sounds fun. The two guys? Well, it’s Rusty from National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (who is also the kid from the Dave Matthew’s video for Satellite, not the kid from Roseanne), and some other dude. The chick is Kaley Cuoco, who is the hot girl from 8 Simple Rules. Now, she warrants 2 skillets on her own, but since she’s the lone chick so far on this show, it only gets 2

Aliens in America | The CW - Ugh, what a stupid show. No skillets at all in the preview. It’s about a Pakistani kid who lives with an American family. Racism (kinda funny) and hilarity ensue. Negative

Samantha Who? | ABC - Well, ABC is off to a horrible start with Samantha Who?, originally titled Sam I Am. It’s about a (gasp) 30 year-old psychiatrist who gets in a wreck, gets amnesia and has to rediscover her life, her relationships and herself. Kill me now. Luckily, it has Christina Applegate, and she’s hot. It also has Jennifer Esposito who is not hot. And what ABC show is complete without Barry Watson? Thank God for Christina Applegate.

K-Ville | Fox - Trust me… Don’t waste your time. Negative

Chuck | NBC - I’ll let the Wiki explain this go-getter of a series, “The series is about an ‘average computer-whiz-next-door’ who receives an encoded e-mail from an old friend, a rogue CIA agent, which embeds the world’s greatest spy secrets in his brain.” I just can’t win can I? Get ready for this, skillet lovers, because the show does have Yvonne Strzechowski, Natalie Martinez and Sarah Lancaster, which is enough to be tops on the Skillet list right now.

Journeyman | NBC - Well, we’re pretty much on a sinking un-hot ship. If you liked Quantum Leap, you’re going to hate Journeyman, which is Quantum Leap, sans Scott Bakula. Luckily for this show, it has Moon Bloodgood, who is a cute little Asian. Hopefully, they can add something to this show, because right now it’s sitting on .

Tuesday

Cavemen | ABC - Why is ABC ruining my life? This show has no hot girls. Ugh… Negative

Carpoolers | ABC - You are stupid ABC. This is a whole different blog, but ABC has taken it upon themselves to be the fancy WE/Lifetime network. All of their popular shows are either about empowering women, or making men sensitive and gay. Carpoolers does the exact same thing. They take these dudes and make them talk about their “issues” on the way to work. Issues? Come on. There are 2 chicks in the cast so far; Allison Munn and Faith Ford. Ugh, just what I want… more old chicks. Thanks, ABC. Negative

Reaper | The CW - I’d like to say that The CW is known for putting mega hotness on our TV screens, but that’s not entirely true. In fact, The WB was the brains behind the hotness. The CW is trying, though. Unfortunately, they are not doing so well. They bounce back though, by adding Missy Peregrym (Stick It) to their lineup. Unfortunately, they add her to a show about a kid whose parents sold his soul to the devil. I guess they tried.

Cane | CBS - Don’t bother searching for skillets here. Cubans are running a major rum and sugar business in the States, and yet they have no hot girls in site. This show is not believable. Negative , but at least it has Jimmy Smits

Wednesday

Pushing Daisies | ABC - No idea what this stupid fairy tale show is about. Anna Friel is decent, and Kristin Chenoweth is hot, but this show is going no where.

Kid Nation | CBS - I’m not going to touch this one.

Back to You | Fox - Well… at least Patricia Heaton is back on TV. She always kind of did it for me as Raymond’s wife. Maybe because she reminds me of an older La Diabla? Back to You should be funny, though, as Frasier and Debra play TV co-anchors who hate each other. It’s Anchorman only, not as funny, mixed with Local News (WFAA), only not as stupid. Even

Private Practice | ABC - I hate you ABC. You heard me? I hate you. Even

The Bionic Woman | NBC - I’m pretty proud of NBC this year. They are raising the skillets bar. You know the Bionic Woman story, now meet the ladies. Michelle Ryan, the main character, is cute when she’s loaded down with makeup, but she’s the only one. Hey, this is better than ABC.

Gossip Girl | The CW - Count me in. This is my kind of show, as it has hot girls, a dumb plot, and is on The CW. It’s about young socialites on the Upper West Side in a high school filled with sex, drugs and teens. The show stars Leighton Meester, Taylor Momsen, and Nan Zhang. Special.

Dirty Sexy Money | ABC - Don’t bother. It’ll be canceled no one is hot. If it’s not canceled, then there still won’t be any hot chicks, unless you can get off to Donald Sutherland. This show is not dirty, or sexy, or money. Negative

Life | NBC - A detective gets released from prison for a crime he didn’t commit. How much do you want to bet that he searches for answers? Luckily, it’s on NBC and stars Sarah Shahi and Brooke Langdon (Nikki in Swingers and the cheerleader in the Replacements). Thanks, NBC.

Thursday

Big Shots | ABC - Well, I’ll be damned. Sure, it’s a Dramedy about sensitive males, because ABC is the gay network (if you don’t believe me see Grey’s, Desperate Housewives, Nanny 911, Ugly Betty, Men in Trees, Extreme Home Makeover, and every other show). At least this show about sensitive powerful males has Nia Long (Fresh Prince and Friday), Peyton List, and Jessica Collins.

Friday

Women’s Murder Club | ABC - Well, at least it’s set in San Francisco, right? Four smart chicks come together to solve crimes. Wow, that sounds a lot better than going out on Friday. The women are old, and no one cares. Don’t even worry about setting the TiVo. Even

Moonlight | CBS - I don’t care what it’s about, because it has Shannyn Sossamon. For this reason alone, I am a fan. Of course, Sophia Myles (Underworld) is a good addition, too. It’s about a vampire or something, but TiVo it before Ghost Whisperer. I know you watch that for Jennifer Love Hewitt.

Totals

NBC - 9

CBS - 5

The CW - 4

ABC - 1
FOX - Negative 3

And, here’s last years… back when I was on myspace… hahahahah… Fall TV Preview ‘06 New Shows