Toph Speaks

What a strange TV season this is for new shows. Basically, due to the writers strike, there aren’t too many new ones out there. All that means is a lot of shows we enjoyed last year are coming back! But, before we get into the old, let’s take a look at the new Fall Shows for the 2008 - 2009 season.

Enjoy…

The Rating System

- The hottest skillets on TV

- Exceeds most TV shows

- A couple of great skillets

- Seriously? Did you even try?

Even - You’re just pathetic. Make a decision.

Negative - You should be ashamed of yourself.

Monday

America’s Toughest Jobs | NBC - Average people do tough jobs, and no one cares. Fall is not for reality TV, NBC. Shame on you for making it that way. Where’s Heroes? Oh, it doesn’t start till the 22nd with a 3 hour “event”, which means 2 hours of catching up and 1 hour of a new show. I hate the events. Negative to start for you, NBC.

Worst Week | CBS - Fuck my life, CBS. Worst Week is Meet The Parents hit with the ugly stick. At this point, I’d even take Blythe Danner, that hot little minx. Negative

My Own Worst Enemy | NBC - Christian Slater is back, and this time he’s serious. Here’s the good news, Saffron Burrows, of The Bank Job and Boston Legal, is in, but she’s not playing his wife. That “honor” goes to Yara Martinez, who isn’t too bad. I’ll give a couple skillets for Saffron.

Tuesday

Opportunity Knocks | ABC - Looks like Tuesday is going to be the new Monday, at least in terms of new shows. This is good, because Tuesday was the only night I wasn’t glued to the TV. Opportunity Knocks, however, is stupid. Ashton Kutcher (why are we letting him do stuff?) brings the game show to you! And I kill myself. Negative

90210 | The CW - So, I’ll admit that I haven’t seen a full episode of the original 90210. Before you go and call me a liar, remember I’m the guy who admits to having watched Dawson’s Creek, Gossip Girl, Smallville and One Tree Hill religiously. The show was just on before I got into TV. With that said, the new 90210 is a joke. That is, unless you girls. Then, this show is for you. Shenae Grimes - skillet. Jessica Lowndes - skillet. AnnaLynne McCord - skillet. Jessica Stroup - skillet. Becky Katsopolis - Always Skillets! The first

The Mentalist | CBS - Come on, CBS. Give us SOMETHING!!! Negative

The Privileged | The CW - You have to hand it to The CW. They just toss as many chicks into one show as possible, and hope it sticks. “Who cares if the show is terrible, we have chicks!” - The CW. Here’s the skillet rundown - Ashley Newbrough, Lucy Kate Hale, JoAnna Garcia, and kind of Kristina Apgar. The CW came to play this year.

The Fringe | Fox - Any show with Joshua Jackson deserves a skillet… wait… ummm… no skillets awarded.

Wednesday

Gary Unmarried | CBS - There’s a reason Gary is unmarried. He has mediocre chicks running around. I’d be unmarried, too. Negative

Knight Rider | NBC - They’re bringing Knight Rider back, and the fucking car is a Mustang. KITT must be rolling in his used car lot. I’m sure there will be a few chicks, but you’re not going to watch this show, right? Here’s a just in case you do.

Do Not Disturb | Fox - Will someone please tell Jerry O’Connell that he’s not funny? But, he brings some ladies to the table. Here’s the good news - Molly Stanton. Here’s the bad news - Jolene Purdy (the joke writes itself). However, we’ll overlook it all, because apparently Audrina Patridge is going to be on the show!

Thursday

Kath & Kim | NBC - OK, so hotness isn’t oozing from this show, but it looks damned funny. Plus, I think Selma Blair is cute and Molly Shannon rocks.

Saturday Night Live: Weekend Update | NBC - On Thursdays… I don’t think Amy Poehler is going to be on this, but it’s still going to be worth watching. No skillets, but a good time anyways.

Life on Mars | ABC - Stop me if you’ve heard this - Guy slips into a coma, and wakes up as a cop in another times period. Is anyone watching this? Negative

Eleventh Hour | CBS - You knew by the title this was a CBS show. Add a little cop, a little Sci-Fi and you have a recipe for a CBS drama. Actually, this one adds Marley Shelton, but I still won’t watch. I will give her 2 skillets, though.

Friday

Crusoe | NBC - This is based on a novel, but I’m not going to take the time to see what it’s about. Anna Walton is in it, and she’s pretty. Unfortunately, THIS is the only photo I could find. For that it only gets

The Ex List | CBS - OK, I was totally ready to blow past this show, but after looking at some screencaps, I’m interested. Elizabeth Reaser, who I shouldn’t know from Grey’s Anatomy, looks better than she did then. And, Rachel Boston, who I also shouldn’t know from Grey’s Anatomy (shoot me), isn’t bad, either. Rounding out the cast of decent chicks is Alexandra Breckenridge. OK, I tried, but it didn’t work. I’ll give it

I was going to include Sunday’s but The CW is the only ones with new shoes, and they all look to suck. Except Bob Sagat is in a new show on The CW on Sunday. Maybe we should give it a chance?

Totals

NBC - 5

CBS - 0

The CW - 8

ABC - Negative 2
FOX - 3

In summary, thank God for the returning shows this year!

Here’s my Fall TV Preview from ‘07 - ‘08 New Shows - and, here’s my Fall TV Preview ‘06 - ‘07 New Shows