Toph Speaks

So, I tried booking a flight yesterday. Well, keep in mind that I haven’t booked a flight for myself in about a year or so. Typically, if Diabla doesn’t do it, then our office assistant does it. I live such a difficult life. In August, I’m going to Austin to see Ray and Doan get married, then I’m going from Austin to Boston, and then returning back to San Francisco a few days later. Speaking of, if you’re going to be in Boston the 10th - 13th, let me know.

Diabla and I bought a one-way for me to Austin, because Austin to Boston, Boston to SF is paid for by my company. Since it was a more difficult purchase, I just took the company card and attempted to do it myself. On a side note, I also tried to book my hotel. Maybe these women in my life have rendered me useless, because I couldn’t do that either. Our assistant had to call them and make it happen for me. I digress, so, I’m trying to find a flight on Sunday from Austin to Boston that’s in the same time scale as Beau and Marci, because they’re returning to SF, and we’ll be going to the airport together. They’re leaving around 2p, so it shouldn’t be hard to find a flight to Boston around that time, right? Wrong. Most flights to the East Coast were leaving around 5:30-6a, then 4-6p. In what world does this make sense? Let’s face it, even going direct to the airlines, you can’t get a direct flight, so regardless you’re not going to get in at a decent time anyways. One flight had me leaving at 6a, and getting into Boston at 12:35a. Really? It’s not that far away, is it?

The other problem is that they make it impossible to select your own flights. What I mean is, you can’t pick a departure and then a return. They group them together to make sure you’re fucked one way or the other. I finally found flights leaving closer to noon, but the return flights were at 6p or 5a. Geez guys, you ever thing this is retarded? It’s just a complete shit-show their running. Don’t they know that most checkouts are between 10a and noon? Is it not common sense to have a group of flights maybe from 11a - 2p? This would also put me back on the West Coast at a reasonable time, but no, that’s just too convenient, isn’t it?

I finally found flights that left and returned at reasonable times, but to my dismay they were aboard United Airlines. Fuck my life. Oh, have I not told you that I’m on a terrorist watch list for United? Because that makes all the sense in the world. I wasn’t born with the name Toph. (I know, I was shocked when I found out, too.) I was actually born Christopher Miller. Do a Google search for the name Christopher Miller, Yep, I’m not the only one. Even Chris Miller elicits more results, musicians, skate boarders, ex-Atlanta Falcons quarterbacks. One of these fucktards ruined it for me. Therefore, I don’t fly United, because I have to arrive 2 hours early to be allowed to check in, and I get a machine gun in my face as they put me through additional screening. (By the by, we learned this on our way to our honeymoon, which almost caused us to miss the whole thing.)

So, scratch United. Luckily, I wasn’t paying for this, and I eventually found a flight. Honestly, I needed to talk about it to people who care.

This is why I love you.