Toph Speaks

I’ve taught you a lot of things here at TophSpeaks, and today is no different. Shaving has always been one of those things that we do because we have to do it, because most of you have to keep your facial hair at reasonable lengths. Or, if you’re like me, you can’t grow facial hair, because when you do you get random patches of hair all over your face and neck. I actually have what I like to call “the stupid ’stache.” It’s where my mustache moves into a 6 o’clock shadow and makes me look like child predator. This is not cool.

So, how do you get a perfect shave every time? Follow my steps… and before you whine, bitch and complain that it’s too metrosexual and you just want a quick shave, remember that this is your face. At the very least, you should treat it well. If you want to pick up chicks, then you should probably take the time and take care of your face. Word.

I use 4 things when I shave - Mach3 Turbo, American Crew Classic Shaving Cream, a Pure Badger Shave Brush, and an unscented, hypoallergenic Shave Gel. Shaving happens in 3 steps - The Prep, The Shave and Moisturizing

Step 1 - The Prep - Before you shave, you should wash your face with a gentle face wash. This cuts down on a possible infections if you cut yourself. There are plenty of people who shave in the shower. The reason they do this is because the fog from the shower softens the hair on the face. This proves quite difficult if you cannot find a good fogless mirror, which I have really yet to find. I, personally, wet a cloth with hot water and leave it on my face for about 30 seconds. Again, this softens the hair and makes the cut closer. It’s critical that you soften your facial hair, because it minimizes facial irritation. No one wants shave bumps, burns or ingrown hairs. It’s unsightly.

Step 2 - The Shave - Now that my face is ready, I soak my brush in hot water and dip into my shaving cream. (By the way, stop using shaving cream that came with your deodorant. Why do you want your face to smell like your armpits? Besides, you should be using an unscented deodorant anyway.) I’m not gonna lie, it’s pretty cool using a shaving brush. I like shaving the way my Grandfather did, as sort of an homage to when men were “men”. I think you’ll be surprised with the results when using a brush, too. A brush will lift your hair with the cream, which fingers just aren’t meant for. The brush is going to retain the hot water, and spread the shaving cream thicker than anything your fingers have ever been able to do. You don’t have to buy the most expensive, either. You can come away for about $15 - $30. Once you have the cream spread evenly over your face and neck, you’re ready to shave. Make sure you use a clean, sharp razor and shave with the grain of your hair. Women can’t figure out why we shave with the grain of our hair, but it’s important for minimizing facial irritation. You may not know, but while you’re shaving you exfoliate your face, which is why you want to rinse your razor often in hot water. This is how you get a smooth shave while minimizing cuts and burns.

Step 3 - Moisturize - When you shave, you open your pores. You don’t want your pores to be filled with dirt, or you’ll look ugly and have pimples every where. People will make fun of you. This is why we moisturize after shaving. When finished shaving, rinse your face off with cool water and lightly pat your skin dry. Dragging a towel back and forth across your face is not a good thing. Then, rub a bit of aftershave to lock in the smoothness. I have sensitive skin (and a sensitive soul, ladies), so I use an unscented hypoallergenic aftershave from the Art of Shaving (linked above). I always recommend going with unscented. You don’t want to have a scented deodorant, aftershave and then cologne. You’ll smell like the perfume section at Bloomingdale’s.

If you’re not getting sexual after this, then you’re just ugly. Here are some more tips from Art of Shaving. Happy shaving, bitches…

Shaving Tips:

1. Avoid cologne aftershaves since these contain 90% alcohol, which can irritate and dry out skin.

2. Moisturize skin often as moisturized skin is less prone to ingrown hairs.

3. To heal ingrown hairs, exfoliate area with Shaving Brush and keep skin moisturized by moisturizing before bedtime as well as after shaving.

4. Avoid products with numbing agents such as Benzocaine or Menthol as these will tighten pores and stiffen beard.

5. The photo above has got nothing to do with anything… LaLa is just special.

Also See - How to Knot a Tie, How to Buy Sunglasses, How to Wear Cologne