Toph Speaks

I am finally sitting down to write my Vegas post. I wanted to preface all of this by saying just a couple of things to get you a little more acquainted with what’s going on. Maybe a little history into how this all came about. I will start by saying that it’s 9:50am on Wednesday, March 5th. I’m telling you this because I think this is going to take a long time to write. The other thing you should know is that my job is pretty phenomenal. I mean, I work for a decent internet company, get paid way too much, play PS3 or XBOX360 when I’m overstressed, and in the past year I have been to New York, Palm Springs, Santa Barbara, and Vegas on free trips. Well, the free trips are conferences where my job is to meet people, take them to expensive dinners and get them really drunk. Look, it’s now 10:36am, and I’m writing a blog. I have it pretty easy. The point is, I don’t pay for anything. The reason I tell you this is because I don’t want you to think I’m some sort of high roller, who throws his cock around. I mean, everything I do is on the company and I get reimbursed for it all. I’m really trying not to brag, but I do want you to know that not only do I love this job, but if it weren’t for Ray I wouldn’t have it. So, because of that, you should sign up to MyBabyOurBaby.com. I just want to make sure you’re clear on this. I hope you are. (By the way… we’re hiring for a Sales Coordinator if you know anyone in the Bay Area who is interested.)

This was my first experience in Vegas. Yeah, I know. Crazy, right? I don’t want to start in Vegas, though. I want to start by telling you about Virgin Airlines. This was my first time to fly on Virgin America, and I never want to fly another airline. Its gate is in International at SFO, and the check was amazing. Basically, you check in on an iMac rip off, and everything else is easy breezy. Have you seen the inside of these planes? You can go to my flickr for a shitty version of the photo, or you can look here (I don’t know the dude who took this photo, by the by). So, I’m drinking scotch and water, and watching a Rockets game on ESPN. I am actually pretty scared of flying, but I barely paid attention to all the turbulence coming into Vegas Airport. I say barely because I am still scared of flying, and it did still freak me out.

Geez, next thing you know, you get wrapped up in work and it’s 4:00.

So, we get off the flight and head to the hotel. I didn’t know anything about the Rio, but everything I needed to know I learned in the first 10 minutes. It’s off the strip, close to the Palms. It’s dirty, it’s run down and no one should stay there. My room was on the 36th floor and had amazing views. Unfortunately, it was a little dingy and I’m not even sure I would have brought a hooker in there. Although, I had two queen sized beds, so I could have used one for pleasure and one for business. I had to remind myself that even though this is kind of dirty, the $400 a night room was free. Considering I didn’t want to spend much time there, I rolled to the IBar to start drinking. We got in about 8pm, so at this point it’s about 9:30.

A this point, I’m starting to know a lot of people in this “industry,” so these things are becoming more fun each time. There were a couple of dudes from my company who came along, too. Let’s call them Bob and Rod. Sounds like a weak entourage, huh? So, I meet Bob and Rod down at the IBar when we get all checked in, and we start pounding cocktails. As I told you in Toph Life… At The Bar I’ve been drinking a lot of Godfather’s lately. This week would be no different. There are a few rules that you should live by when your in Vegas and drinking Godfathers. The first is that 8 is your limit. They’re going to do their best to water them down, but it’s still an ass kicking drink. Second, do not gamble when drunk or after 1am. You’re going to lose every time. I didn’t know this. After we started drinking, we decided to hit the tables. I went for Blackjack. I should be a lot better at Blackjack than I am. Seriously, how can I never get close to 21? Why is it that when I have 20 the dealer has 21, when I have 19 the dealer has 20, and when the dealer has 17, I have 13, then bust? It makes sense. So, my first night was spent drinking, losing and hanging out in a dirty hotel room. It gets better. The waitresses dance! The Rio isn’t known for having sexy waitresses. So, these dances were very pathetic, yet remarkably funny. I don’t know what it is about a 40 year old in pantyhose, and a lace outfit that’s hysterical, but it is. Down a few hundred bucks, I crawled up to my room, hit on some chick in the elevator, told her I’d be the best she ever had, and passed out on my hotel floor. Let me tell you where you don’t want to sleep. The floor in Rio - especially when you have two beds.

This was my first night ever in Vegas… Stay tuned for Part 2 (By the way… it’s 4:10)