Toph Speaks

One of the most important aspects for getting the sex is the way you smell. It’s very important that you incorporate the appropriate smells into your lifestyle, or you’ll find yourself alone and stinky.

There are 3 important aspects to cologne that you should be aware of before you buy. You must know how to buy, what to buy and how to wear it. Let’s break this mo’ flacka down, homeskillet.

|How to Buy|

When choosing a cologne it’s important that you’re able to spray it on your body. Don’t bother spraying it on paper and waving it in the air, then smelling it. The way it smells on the paper is not the way it smell on you. When selecting your colognes, be sure you’re not currently wearing any others. Try to pick out a couple that are inline with what you’re looking for and spray them on your body, give it a bit, then smell it. You have to let the smell settle. This is what others will smell when it’s on you. You want this smell to be good. Oftentimes, because of the oils in our skin, the cologne will react different to you. This is why we shouldn’t smell the paper and buy. Every cologne you could possibly need are availible at Macy’s, Neiman’s or Sephora.

|What to Buy|

Typically, cologne comes in three scents - Citrus, Woody and Fresh. Does this make sense? You choose your cologne based not only on what smells good on you, but your personality as well (of course, this is also based on your opinion of the smell and your personality). My personality is light-hearted and fun, so I wear colognes that display that. My personal choices are Lacoste Essential, Dolce and Gabbana and Polo Blue. My friends who would rather be climbing a mountain rather than entertaining a crowd tend to lean towards Polo Original, Burberry London or Paris Hilton (naw, I’m kidding). Now, when I you want to pick up the ladies and make sexy time, then I’ll recommend Salvatore Ferragamo, Polo Double Black or Cool Water. OK, I’m sorry. Maybe not Cool Water. I just miss Cool Water like the Dickens. Chicks used to cream over that stuff. Anyways, I do recommend Jean Paul Gaultier. The bottle is weird, but chicks dig it.

For the ladies, cause I always like to help the ladies, I recommend Chanel Coco Mademoiselle, Burberry Brit and Daisy by Marc Jacobs.

|How to Wear|

More than 3 spritzes is too much. As gay as it sounds, the best way to put on cologne is after the shower, before you put a shirt on. Spray it and walk through it. Don’t spray cologne on your shirt. The smell gets lost in your clothes and could turn your shirt a different color. Spraying in your shirt usually requires you to spray more and that’s not good. Cologne reacts with your body’s temperature, so work to spray it on your neck and your wrists. Also, since you know now that cologne reacts with heat, you should won’t need as much in the summer as you would in the winter. This is also true for the ladies.

Lastly, don’t mix your scents. There’s no reason to wear a deodorant that has a smell, an aftershave with a smell and a cologne. Opt for a scent-free deodorant stick and aftershave. Trust me, she’ll be a lot happier. Now… make the sex.

Toph’s Note - Never buy cologne or perfume for anyone. The only exception to this rule is if they say, “Man, I could really use a new bottle of _______.” Since they can’t smell it on them first, chances are it will be gross. Don’t waste your money. Buy her lingerie instead.