Toph Speaks

Welcome to the 2nd Annual Grading the Halloween Hotties Celebrity Style. As per usual, Halloween Hotties will be graded on a skillet by skillet basis. For the statistical breakdown check out the chart below. Enjoy the Skillets and feel free to add your own thoughts and analysis.

The Rating System

- This is how you make Halloween happen!

- You really excelled out there, lady.

- Hey, at least you showed up.

- Seriously? Did you even try?

Negative - You’re just pathetic. This is Halloween!

- Alessandra Ambrosio - Let’s start this Halloween off with a bang! Her amazing costume is enough for me to just stop there and hand her the Halloween Hottie Crown. Seriously? Does it get any better than this?!

- Andrea Bowen - What in God’s good name happened here? This is the chick from Desperate Housewives and she looks a little wonky. I don’t even know what to say. No wonder she plays the conservative one. Did I totally just admit to loving Desperate Wives? Wait… did that last statement give it away? Negative

- Ashanti - I think this is Ashanti. To be honest, I’m not even sure who Ashanti is. Did she date Nick Cannon? Wait… is this Christiana Milan? Are they different? Well, regardless, I really like the costume. Whoever she is pulled it off well.

- Avril - This is for you, Stephanie! God she looks hideous. I would fire this Maid on the spot if she showed up to my house. Not even my affinity for emo girls can make this work. Damn, Avril. This is disappointing, but it’s no Andrea Bowen.

- Audrina - Well, it’s no secret I think she’s hot. I love how she looks like a little lost puppy searching for her owner. You have to give her some credit here, though. She’s a pretty kick ass Madonna, isn’t she? Admit it. You love her.

- Lauren Conrad - No reason not to keep pumping out Hills people, right? Lauren actually disappoints here, but she doesn’t disappoint often, so we’re giving her a break. No, I mean she’s still not getting many skillets, but you know what I mean. I hope this isn’t in her collection.

- Heidi and Spencer - I realized this year that when in a couple you must dress as a couple. Seriously? Little Mermaid and Spiderman? Come on! And what’s with these cheap ass costumes? Amazing. Negative

- Heidi Klum - I wouldn’t know whether to be scared of this kitty or make out with it. Heidi Klum usually confuses me with these thoughts, though. Whatever, she’s friggin’ cute and I’d hang out with her all night. How many kids does she have? How is she fitting in this?

- Danielle Lloyd - Danielle chose to just wear lingerie. I don’t blame her.

- Kate Beckinsale - This is actually quite frightening. She’s still hot, though. I’ll give her four skillets for being able to kick my ass.

- Leighton Meester -Past Skillet of the Week winner succeeds in her first Halloween anyone gives a crap about. Sure, going as a 20’s flapper isn’t going to create any memories, but that doesn’t make it less hot.

- Nicky Hilton - What if you were Nicky Hilton?

- Devon Aoki - I used to have a thing for Devon Aoki, but I’m not feeling it anymore. You’re supposed to be a supermodel, and you’re running out in this costume. Despicable.

- Rumer Willis - AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH… Negative

- Teri Hatcher - Geez! Where the hell is Eva when you need her?! Skillet for Effort?

- Stacy Keibler - Is that even how you spell her name? I don’t really know who she is, (Dancing with the Stars? Wrestling?) but she came through. I totally dig this costume. It’s cute. I’d be Andy in a heartbeat.

- Britney Spears - How many sexy costumes do you see here? Honestly, I don’t even know if these are costumes. This could be like a Thursday or Sunday night. She might actually be wearing this to pick up her kids. I tend to stay away from this hot mess, but now that I have a chance to talk about her… how is it she’s always in a car? This is just lost on me. At this point, should she be walking? Who is letting her out of the house anyways? This whole thing is confusing. I’m not even attaching a skillet to this. There’s no point…

- Neil Patrick Harris - This little SOB turned it out. Yeah, I put a gay man on here. What are you going do about it? You’re telling me that you’re not freaked out thinking about Killer Clowns from Outer Space? You’re going to look at me and tell me that you would not be scared out of you wits if you saw this guy drinking a beer at a party? Of course you would. Actually, you’d probably think, “Oh crap, that evil clown drinking a Stella is going to kill my ass.” Then, you’d plan your escape. Don’t be scared, yo. It’s just Doogie.

And now for all the hate-mail I can handle… this years Halloween Winner (yeah… that’s right…)

- Paris Friggin’ Hilton - This how Halloween is supposed to be done. To be honest, I’m not completely sure this is all of her costumes. She did like a 12 days of Halloween tour. How are there this many Halloween parties in a year? Even if you think she’s whoreilicious, tramp with too many STDs you have to give her props for turning it out. Sure, maybe these costumes aren’t even the greatest costumes of all time. Fine, I’ll give you that, but you gotta admit she prepared for occasion. Maybe you wouldn’t be so jealous if you would have stepped it up like this. I’m kidding, girl… you looked hot on Halloween, too.

That about wraps up this years Celeb Halloween styles. What do ya’ll think? You want to see real girl grades, or shall we just move past Halloween? I love you. Start planning for next year right now!