Toph Speaks

In recent weeks I have been looking for that all important 4th sport. The sport that you grab hold of and don’t let go. You can’t let go. And why would you? Basketball, Football and Baseball aren’t on, so what are you going to do? It’s been a tremendous lesson in self discovery. Each 4th sport has had its strengths and weaknesses. Some have had the passion to bring me to tears, and others have just bored me to tears. I actually didn’t even start looking until I saw that Taco Bell commercial about the 4th meal. It’s been a long year as I’ve searched the globe for the 4th sport, but I think I finally have the mystery solved.

I do need to set up some parameters before moving on. There was a bit of criteria that I followed in this search. First of all, it was a necessity that this sport was either played close to home or could be watched on TV. Secondly, it had to have gut-check time. Meaning, things had to come down to the last minute, and someone had to rise above the competition. Thirdly, I didn’t want to be able to take a nap while watching, wake up and be completely caught up. Lastly, the sport needs skillets as fans. It’s a must.

I gave up on hockey so long ago that I wouldn’t dare come back unless the Stars went to the Stanley Cup Finals. If this does happen, then I would say that I never gave up on them or their league. I would pull out my 1999 Stanley Cup Champion Stars shirt and root so hard it would hurt. The problem with hockey is that the lady fans are scary and unclean. It’s not the type of environment I want be in.

For a long time I thought golf had the chance to be my 4th sport, but I can’t handle watching it. Plus, you can only see Tiger dominate so many times before it becomes ridiculously redundant. Don’t get me wrong, I love golf, but I love playing golf. The best is going right after work to play on the twilight hours, because it’s cheaper. I also think that chicks think golf is sexy. I may be way off here, but chicks dig golfers. Especially, if you dress the part. Nothing turns La Diabla on more than me rolling in the house with a polo, sweater vest, khakis, and a pulled down hat. She even makes me put the glove on. Yet, I can’t watch it on TV and satisfied.

I thought about tennis for a long time. Let’s look at the facts: I hate the Williams sisters, but Sharapova and Ivanovic are hot. They give me a reason to watch, but how often do they play? In hindsight, they’re not on the court often enough for me to stay with the sport. Plus, I am so sick of Andy Roddick. If I’m going to bandwagon on a sport, I can’t have one that we consistently suck at. It’s terrible the way people are with him. Why do we want to believe so badly that he will beat Roger Federer? He’s not going to. Give it up.

What about Women’s Pole Vaulting… hummm…

Maybe I should look into an obscure sport to follow? Have you heard of the Cornhole League? No, you sick bastard, this isn’t getting in the butt over and over again. It’s some “sport” where you toss a corn-filled bag into a raised hole. Hahaha… okay, I’m not doing a very good job of explaining it. Go HERE for more details. Actually, I couldn’t get behind a sport that sounds like I’m being ass-raped anyways. So there that is.

What about Table Tennis? As many know, I am a proud booster of my Alma Mater’s amazing Texas Wesleyan Rams Table Tennis Team. It’s a little known fact that we have won 28 of a possible 36 National Titles in the last 6 years, and 13 of 14 in the last 2 years. Suck on that. Plus, check out these chicks! (I know you’re making fun of my boy, and you’re going to Hell for that.) Since I’m a T-Dub graduate, it’s kind of embarrasing telling the world I’m a Table Tennis fan. Plus, how the hell are you going to have 14 National Championships in 2 years? Should you only have 2? I bet I know who lost 14th National Championship. (I feel horrible after saying that.)

I guess all that’s left is soccer. Watch how I not only explain why, but choose a world team, a European Premier team, an MLS team, and a favorite player all in one bandwagon. First of all, I can’t be a fan of soccer and call it soccer. From now on I will call it Football 2. It’s not going to get the same recognition as the top 3 sports, but I will resign to calling it Football 2 and that will have to do. The world is passionate about football 2, and every match I’ve been to and watched have been exciting. Actually, besides my Alma Mater’s football 2 games, I’ve only been to one FC Dallas game. Therefore, by default (and hometown ties) they’re my MLS team. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have an FC Dallas shirt. I will, however, have to pull for the USF Dons, because they’re close and we can go to the games for cheap. I must say, some of the Lady Dons are cute, too. Lauren Maris is my new favorite. I’ve got to buy season tickets, if they even sell that. On the world stage I have to go with the US, it’s a no brainier. The European stage gets a little tougher. Actually, not really tougher at all. I’m going to pull for the Arsenal. I’d like to think they’re the only ones I have ties to, since my friend Sally is a super fan. How can you not get behind something like THIS? I have recorded their match against Derby, which was at 7 am this morning. I’m about to go watch it. (Toph’s Note: The Arsenal murdered Derby 5 - 0, and are apparently one of the best teams in the Premier league. This is a good thing.) I did watch Notre Dame vs Rutgers last night, and found myself rivited. La Diabla kept yelling at me, because she was ready to hit the club. So, I’m a football 2 fan now. Jump on the bandwagon. It is filled with the chicks above and below.