Toph Speaks

You always hear stories of chicks falling into the toilet. I guess that means that we left the seat up and they were too lazy to check, so their bums fell into the toilet water. This is a hilarious image to me. Is there any way that this can be filmed? Would that be considered porn? Who cares, it sounds so funny.

What I don’t get is what they’re complaining about, though? First of all, when was the last time you took a steamer and blindly sat down on the toilet seat? Never, right? I know I’m anal (get it?) about that sort of thing, but there’s no way I’m not wiping the seat before I sit down. Why don’t chicks do this? I just can’t figure out how this is an issue for girls. Reason I’m bringing this up is because a girl just came out of our unisex bathroom with a sour look on her face. She then said to me, “I hope you put the lid down.” Fine, I’ll put it down, but I’m not going to wipe it. It’s not my duty to make sure your bathroom trip is successful. This responsibility falls solely on your shoulders, sucka. I’m versatile - I can pee with the lid up or down, and I’m not going to touch it for your convenience. So, ask yourself this, lady… is it better to sit in urine or to fall in the toilet water. Cause those are your two options you lazy cow. Or, you could check before you sit and stop being an idiot. If you think for one second I’m going to grab a piece of toilet paper and wipe the lid you are mistaken, lady. Maybe I’m the asshole, fine. I’m cool with that. In fact, I’ll accept it. There’s no way I’m cleaning toilets for a girl I’m not sleeping with. And besides… I’m going into the bathroom after you, idiot.

I love you.

(Toph’s Note: The chick above has nothing to do with the story. Legend has it she always looks both ways before sitting on a toilet.)