Maybe I want to fuck in the bathroom and not have a goddamned person bother me. Is that too hard to ask? You wouldn’t think so. For some reason people get all pissed off that I have the opportunity to get my freaky in the restroom. Does this make me a bad person? Hell no. Does it make her a slut? Maybe. Chicks are weird about that stuff, but I still keep my dignity. In fact, I get a high-five or big-up because I was the lucky one that just had the monkey sex in the stall. Listen, I understand. It’s weird going to pee when the guy next to you is playing the hokey-pokey with a hot latina girl named Lupa. I know it’s weird. It used to happen to me. Before I hit rock bottom.
I was in a serious relationship and she broke my heart at the bar. I was upset. I may have even cried. I remember sitting in the stall, drying my eyes, when I heard this dude getting it from this hot latina girl. I was amazed. Who does this? He did.
That’s when I got up, brushed myself off and found a hot latina to knock boots with in the bathroom. I had morphed into awesome. Respected by all, feared by none. I’m not even sure that makes sense.
I developed a farm system in case this ever happened again. Yeah, like the minor leagues. I even separated them into classes. A-AAA. When you get into a relationship, as I once did a long time ago, you can’t rest on your laurels. Why would you? Did you rest on them when you were a child? Did the thought, “Man, I can say the alphabet, let’s stop there” ever cross your mind? For some of you I’m sure it did, and I am proud of you for that. But for most of you it didn’t.
Would you ever go into the Super Bowl with one quarterback? No. Because you run the risk of her breaking up with you in a bar and then you sit in the stall like a whiney little girl. That’s why you need a farm system. Most of us aren’t the Yankees. We can’t depend on our money buying us more hot girls. Or in the Yankees case, buying us hot cougars. Almost out of their prime, but still good. Most likely playing for a different team. Metaphor? Married. We are more like the Twins. We depend on our draft and development to bring the chicks along slowly. I like that idea and it’s one that has worked for me time and time again. I find the lady I want to spend the most time in. I, then, gather a bunch of young ladies and start to teach them the ropes. All the while I am doing the main lady, but I am poking and showing enough attention to the ones just out of High School and College that they are learning. That way, when I decide it’s over with my number one I have a new prospect to bring up. I don’t miss a beat in the sack. It’s just how I roll. It’s a good thing if you look at while doing drugs. It’s as close to community service as I can get. I am helping people. I love to help people. They come out of the farm system ready to have a meaningful, sexual relationship, and I always have chicks to do. Find me the wrong. I dare you.
