Toph Speaks

I have so much to complain, praise, and yell about I’ve decided to just wrap it all into one. Okay, so there is nothing to praise. How’s that for sex?

As far as the greatest pictures I have ever seen in my life goes, I have to give it up to The Bastardly for posting these amazing photos of Jessica Alba. As you know by now, I hate the Warriors with all of my heart and soul. They have just barely knocked the Utah Jazz off the pedestal of “teams I wished never existed.” In fact, for the first time in my life, I find myself rooting for the Jazz to beat the Warriors. These pictures of Jessica Alba make me so happy. As you know, I am under the opinion that she has lost a bit in the hottness factor, but you be the judge.

Today Dirk is supposed to be named MVP. The time was supposed to be at 11 CST, but has yet to be announced to me in San Francisco. Until now! Of course I have some thoughts on this. The MVP award is not based on the playoffs. Believe it or not, it is a regular season award. You had to believe that Dirk was the Most Valuable Player this year. Maybe not in the playoffs, but it’s not an award for the playoffs. To that I say congratulations, Dirk. I just hope we get a natural 2 guard, who can attack the basket, by next year. Go Mavs!

I have officially canceled my subscription to Maxim. What a joke of a magazine. I encourage all of you to do so as well. Just go with Playboy. All we want is to see boobs anyways, right? Why did I cancel my subscription that I have had for 5 years?  In this month’s issue you will see Maxim’s Top 100, and you will know the problems I have. I’ve been a fan for as long as it has been around, and I’ve even disagreed with them. This time, though? This time they’ve gone over the edge. They have placed Lindsay Lohan as #1. Are you freaking kidding me? Sure she looks hot in that photo, but I’m sure it has something to do with it being taken 3 years ago. Hell, Noureen Dewulf, whoever that is at 100, is hotter than Lindsay Lohan. You’re telling me that this is your #1?  Wow, Maxim. You’re stupid. Just stick with my Top 10. Trust me, it’s better.

And what the shit is up with Trilogies? I mean, my god, are they that big of a deal? Let’s do a quick run down, shall we? Shrek 3, Spiderman 3, Pirates of the Caribbean 3, Bourne 3, Ocean’s 13, and the lesser hyped Rush Hour 3. Here’s an idea, come up with a new story. It’s not that hard, really. I mean, at some point you have to make a new movie. I know people are writing novels. Go steal their ideas. Just give us something new to watch. I think we’ve earned that much haven’t we? No? Well, fuck you, too.