Toph Speaks

I hardly have the words for what ever the hell that was last night. I will say that Martina McBride still looks hot after all these years. She’s been around for a while now, hasn’t she? Last night reminded me of being back in Texas, except I never listened to country, and it didn’t suck near as much. Anyhow… your Top 7. You people voted for them, so don’t blame me. I miss Antonella.

Phil - He sang a typical country song about playing in dirt, and sitting on the porch. He’s officially on his goodbye tour. Why was he walking around giving the man-hug last night? You know the one that you give a mid-five, bring it the fingers, then bump chest, it’s sweet. I actually didn’t mind him too much though. Country people no longer wear boots, cowboy hats, and wranglers, so he fit in. Bottom 3? Definitely.

Jordin - She sang “Broken Wing.” She was amazing last night. Usually, I think she’s over-hyped, but last night, she came through in the clutch. She reminds me so much of Dr. Torres from Grey’s Anatomy, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. She made it happen last night, Toph style. Good for her.

Sanjaya - He attempted to sing, “Let’s Give Them Something to Talk About.” He thought he was being clever and witty. He wasn’t. He was a friggin mess last night. His terrible outfit, mixed with the Bloods doo rag was an awful combination. You would think that he would have tried to actually perform last night, right? I’ve been on the Sanjaya bandwagon, but I jumped off last night. Luckily, I only managed a few scrapes and bruises. What a disappointment. If Vote for the Worst and Howard Stern have their way he will be in for next week. Of course, Simon might kill himself if that happens.

Lakisha - She sang “Jesus Take the Wheel.” Carrie Underwood laughed at her. It was bad. It also brought back terrible memories of the Romo - Underwood courtship for me. It seems like since that happened Romo lost his edge. Maybe he’ll get that back this year. I do believe Carrie Underwood directly lead to him fumbling the snap in the playoffs against the Seahawks. Lakisha sucked by the way. Bottom 3? Could be…

Chris - He sang another song about sitting on the porch. He misses the simple times. He was terrible. Can we please get rid of this guy? Listen, Chris. Believe it or not the judges know what they’re doing. They have been listening to this shit for a while now. You are not going to shock them, and us with your style of nasal singing. Why? Dude, there is no such thing. Get over yourself. Nice try brining up Va. Tech to save your ass though. We should vote you off for that. Done. How is it that every week this guy pisses me off with something else? Go away!

Melinda - She sang “Trouble is a Woman.” Best quote of the night goes to Simon. “Stop acting like you don’t know how good you are.” I don’t know if that’s exactly what he said, but it was close enough. She’s really good.

Blake - He sang, “When the Stars Go Blue.” Who hasn’t sung this song? He was decent. Don’t get me wrong, but it was nothing to write home about. Although, he’ll be fine. I was kind of bored. It wasn’t that great, but it was better than all of the other guys.

Bottom 3 - Sanjaya, Phil, and Chris

So long… Chris. I wish… Unfortunately, it’s Sanjaya.