Toph Speaks… GQ Interview

Welcome to the new world of the Toph. May all your dreams come true. I’ve been a Myspace blogger for some time now, and I figured it was time to branch out. I posted about it a few weeks ago, and as things happen, GQ caught wind of this. The requested an interview, and being the guy I am, I gave it to them. Here is the transcript for yo’ ass.

Interview takes place in the back of a Volvo.

GQ – Toph, we’re so happy to be here, but we must ask… Where is here?

Toph – Back of a Volvo? I’ve always wanted to drive around the city in a Volvo while doing an interview. So, I rented one.

GQ – Makes sense to me. So, let’s get to it. Why are you moving the blog off of Myspace.com?

Toph – Well, it’s something I’ve considered, and even tried before with LiveJournal, but I didn’t put enough time into it. So, I thought it was time to move the whole thing over to Word Press, and give it my all. This time, I’m going to put updates on the Myspace, so my loyal readers will continue to read and comment. I think it’s going to be best for everyone.

GQ – Is anything going to be different?

Toph – Well, I’m different. I think I’m maturing a bit. Not too much, but enough. I’m settling down and getting married now, as you know. Does this mean my lifestyle is changing? No. But, I am going to take this a little more serious. Whereas before, all I talked about was my sexual escapades. Now, I’m opening it up. I’m going to focus more on sex, sports, celebrities, and gadgets.

GQ – So, you’re going to be just like us?

Toph – No, I’ll be funny.

GQ – So, can we expect daily, weekly, or monthly updates from you.

Toph – Well, I’m going to try and bring something everyday. It’s going to be easier now that I’m expanding my topics.

GQ – So what about our favorite, Ask Toph?

Toph – It’s not going anywhere. In fact, it’s going to be bigger. I’m going to respond to the emails once a month, and I’m going to expand it. I think people will like it. If they don’t I’ll fucking kill them.

GQ – Makes sense. The site has a new name, “Toph Speaks”. How did you come to this?

Toph – Basically, it’s what I do. The way I see, I’m in the business of helping people. I’m still basically taking their questions and answering them, I’m going to take my old stories, and revamp them. It’s me putting it all out there. Except sexy. I wanted to call it SexToph, and the more I think of it, the better I like it. Shit, maybe I made a mistake.

GQ – Maybe.

Toph – Fuck.

GQ – Work it out.

Toph – That is what I plan on doing. I’ve been making it happen for so long now, that people are starting to catch up. I’m raising the bar on making it happen.

GQ – Do you have a name for it?

Toph – Not yet. Maybe Noodles? I’m on the noodles.

GQ – Maybe not. So, you’ve basically accomplished everything anyone can imagine: blogger genius, clothing designer, international sex symbol, skillet connoisseur. What’s left?

Toph – The next level. It’s what I was just talking about. Are you even paying attention?

GQ – Not really.

Toph – Okay.

GQ – So, we will be back Toph. We will be back to see how this whole new blog is doing. Toph, start Speaking.

Toph – That was really fucking cheesy.

Late.