Toph Speaks

Rumor spreads like wildfire among my friends, and they all want to know what the hell am I going to do come Monday. I’ll catch everyone who doesn’t know up to speed. Friday is my last day here at The Dallas Morning News. There are numerous reasons for my departure, well one main reason, but numerous sounds better. Back to the question, I have given it much thought over the past 2 weeks. I went back and forth. I knew I wanted to be a writer, but I came to realize that you can’t just be a writer. I would have to go to grad school and major in Journalism or even worse, English. That didn’t sound like fun at all. I thought I might continue on my career in advertising and marketing, but alas, I haven’t been able to find any openings. I was stuck. That’s when I found myself at the place I go when I need answers, DFW airport. That’s when I saw my son, Little Toph, handing out flowers. He saw me and tried to run away, but he’s not so fast, the little tyke. I asked him what the hell he was doing dressed as a monk handing out flowers at the airport. Apparently, the reason I haven’t seen him in over a month is because he ran off and became a little monk. (He’s in the picture above. The little one with the sword on the left.) I asked him I, too, could be a monk. It could be something that we did together, as a family. (Just a note, I have no idea where his sister has been. She may or may not be with my Dad, the Pope. This may or may not be a bad thing.) So, I signed up. Starting Monday I am enrolling in Monk School. They have a pretty sweet mascot. It’s a bald Chinese guy wearing a bitchin’ sheet. Apparently, I can’t smoke, drink, or have sex. I also have to give my life to some guy? I don’t know how well that’s going to work out. This sounds worse than the Baptist school I went to my freshman year. OBU FOREVER! At least my frat looks cool. I’m going to like drinking with the chubby one with glasses. They have some kick ass togas, too. I bet the one in the back can keg stand with the best of them. This is pretty much going to rock.